Monday, December 24, 2012

Zen and the Art of Dorkery

Dorks are typically more noted for having quirky personalities, behaviors, and interests. While their interests or abilities may or may not be on the level with the traditional geeks or nerds, they have a better ability to laugh at themselves or others and are usually less socially threatening, a survival feature in today's conformist world. 

However, they are social skill-challenged; which can pose problems for them. Like geeks and nerds, they are quintessinal outsiders; but nevertheless, they are less likely to be criticized than are the other two categories because of their ability to enjoy life and pursue their own quirky interests in their own way.  As a matter of fact, there is a movement in some states to make dorks a protected species by well-meaning legislators who had presumably failed biology. 
The assumption of dork status has its own duties and burdens; but the neophyte dork would do well to follow the Eightfold Path of Dorkery:

1. Correct Interests -- Let your interests be exotic, non-threatening, and slightly amusing to others. Role-playing games, anime cosplay, collecting baseball cards, and rolling marbles down steps are okay. Anything that falls into the category of intimidating interests is not. For God's sake, don't be an expert on French cinema. And don't use the word 'cinema.' Political people can be so boring.  Amateur radio is so retro. 

2. Correct Dress -- Strive for slight quirkiness, having a few small departures from correct fashion. Generally try not to dress too outlandish or sexy. The latter is generally not a problem with guy dorks. In general, dressing as a Goth or a Sweet Loli is going overboard.

3. Correct Self-Display -- Release subtle cues regarding your unique interests; don't be overbearing or in everyone else's face. The maven and the otaku are pains in the behind. I personally avoid these.

4. Correct Insouance -- Be seemingly unaware of others' reactions to your interests. Implicitly, this communicates that you do not follow the rules or even have an awareness that there are rules. However, insouance should be practiced in moderation; don't give the impression that you don't give a [euphemism].

5. Correct Balance -- Avoid letting your esoteric interest creep into your family or work life. Well, you can have a Hello Kitty toy in the office, if you're female and that's what you like. But don't paint your office or bedroom to look like a Hello Kitty setting.   And, heavens, don't paint your house in your team's colors. I would restrain myself and not paint mine purple and gold, if I had a house.  A purple and gold apartment brings owners' complaints.

6. Correct Friends -- Be around positive people. Avoid politicians or mossbacks or televangelists. They are wearisome and a bruden to the soul.

7. Correct Beliefs -- Cultivate some that are un-mainstream, or even those that are dated. But avoid the faddish ones, like the Da Vinci Code or the paranoid streak that sometimes permeates the heat-oppressed brains of Hollywood types.

8. Correct Beverage -- Coffee, beer, or energy drinks. Use nothing involving excessive sweetness or possessing cute names. Whoever thought of drinks like the Shirley Temple, Sex on the Beach, the Bosom Caresser, or the Bloody Awful should be kicked. [I'm not making those drink names up.]


Leroy said...

What a strange idea: that there's a tao of dorkdom; standards for getting it right.

Bilbo said...

Well, two for eight isn't bad ... #1 is ballroom dancing, and #2 is that I take perverse pride in making sure that my socks don't match whatever else I'm wearing. There's a long story that goes with #2 ...

Mike said...

So when I have you over to see my Eastern European beer bottle cap collection and you want to role play naughty nurse, you're going to have to be VERY forward so I know what's going on.

bakku-shan said...

I wouldn't mind playing naughty nurse!

Grand Crapaud said...

So there's even a right way of being a dork? Why not a book "Dorkdom for Dummies"?