Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Billy Bob and Bubba Go Tailgating

Every weekend when there is a home football game, the tailgaters move in to occupy parking spaces near the football stadium. They would come in SUVs RVs, and even Hummers to this destination. Having claimed their spot in the parking lot, they then take a nostalgia stroll on the campus. Gosh, being a student was fun when they attended the University; not like the present-day crowd seems to operate.

Not all were former students, though. Dirt Road Sports Billy Bob and Bubba, having been given a ticket to park on campus, decided to try it out! Yes, they borrowed Gramp's RV that he would use for NASCAR events (Talladega and Bristol races not going on that weekend) for a case of Bud Lite and took the Pointless Sisters along. The Pointless Sisters, Marge and Maybelle were reputed to be as easy as Kentucky girls, and about as smart as the typical legislator! 

Being in the learning-what-to-do stage, they observed what the other tailgaters were doing, and got an eye-opening sociological lesson! First of all, the tailgaters were what some psychologist fella would call an extrovert and not consider that to be a fightin' word. They would set up their tables, their grills, and pop open a cold one to enjoy the Friday morning. They set out a spread of barbecue, beans, corn bread, and dessert, and found that they would make new friends if they shared with acquaintances and get invites to their tailgates also.

The less inhibited tailgaters would make catcalls to passing college girls, whether they were sluttily dressed or not. Most were 15-25 years older than the girls so serenaded. (Kind of like being next to a rude big city construction site.)

Well, the Dirt Road Sports were having such a good time that they got more beer and food, and brought an additional ice chest with possum, raccoon, and duck meat in it as well as the bratwurst, pork ribs,and pulled pork. The partying became generally rowdier as the evening progressed. The students wisely stayed away from the bacchanalian as the tailgaters and their wives or squeezes partied like it was 1999! (At least one tailgater brought both!) The night before the game party fizzled out by around 2 A.M.

The next day, after a leisurely breakfast, Billy Bob, Bubba, and the Pointless Sisters had a leisurely breakfast of coffee, link sausage, and grits and lazily got into gear for the pregame party. They figured that they could slip into the stadium at halftime without tickets and catch up with the other tailgaters.

Well, the worthless lot of the tailgating crowd was pretty well three sheets to the wind, (and breaking some wind besides.) As a matter of fact, more than half of them continued to drink and feast in the parking lot while listening to the game on the radio or watching it on television! 

This was a revelation to Bubba: "Hell, gals! These old college types as pretty much like us. They just want to get drunk, laid, yack, and eat too much while partying over the weekend! The game is just an excuse for a party."

Sunday morning the tailgaters woke up with hangovers and got packed up to go back to their homes. Unrepentant, they started to count the days until the next football game weekend. Some tailgaters even followed their team when they were on the road and had a splendid road trip!


Linda Kay said...

I'm not sure how this all got started, but this tailgating thing is really big at the football parking lots in Texas, with the barbecue and all the trimmings. The games would be long enough for me, let alone adding time for visiting and drinking before the game. Great post and love your names of characters.

Chuck Bear said...

It's nice they combined football with drinking.

Mike said...

The pointless sisters really got slammed with the legislator reference.

Anemone said...

Some sly humor there......

allenwoodhaven said...

Good story! I'm familiar with tailgating, though I haven't done it in years. I've seen pick up trucks with gas grills attached to the towing rig.

Cloudia said...


I could smell the BARBQ in your words



Duckbutt said...

The Pointless Sisters is a onomastic tour de force!

Blue Grumpster said...

Wait... as easy as Kentucky girls? What don't I know? ;) Thanks for stopping by.