Monday, April 13, 2015

Cowgirl Melinda Goes to Rodeo Drive

What's as unlike Wyoming as can be? Well, New York City and Paris come to mind, and we can throw in Marrakesh. But Cowgirl Melinda went to that Baghdad-by-the-Sea, Los Angeles, Yes, the City of Angels! Things were different here: people drove Mercedes and Beamers rather than pickup trucks. Yes, there was even an absence of those tarted-up ones that urban cowboys drove, with the big ole engines that make a lot of noise, have jacked-up suspensions, and even cow's horns on the hood! She stiffly concluded that she was a stranger in a strange land: not even the acceptably weird of Colorado. For one, everyone drives to great length to go from place to place. She nary saw anyone mosey there. But what if it's a fine day, and you want to galumph to the store for a burger and Coke?

Well, you find out that they call it soda there, and get their burgers from the In-and-Out. Now Melinda thought at first that someone was talking dirty to her, but found out that it was a popular hamburger chain. And most of the hands on the job had to commute in to the city where the rich folks live: like in Beverly Hills or Hollywood or even Santa Monica.

Well, Melinda was totally confused by this hectic place, and found out that the major vittles came from Mexican restaurants, taco and other kinds of food trucks, and for people on an expense account that knew someone important, those posh restaurants. These are the kind of places there is valet parking; and if you bribe the valet, he will bring back your ride! Apparently, holding cars hostage in big in Tinseltown.

Well, our poor cowgirl was totally disoriented; but she came on a street with a promising name: Rodeo Drive. Maybe it was just time to chill and watch a rodeo. But where was it? There was mostly pricey stores, bearing names that were unfamiliar in Buffalo or Ten Sleep or even in Casper! Maybe the last town being named for the friendly ghost kept the high rent places away....Anyway, she looked in a jewelry store, and wondered if she read the prices right but thought that, naw! The store guy left out the periods. Or maybe the prices were in pesos.  And in another store, she saw a microskirt, and asked where the bottom was? No, she didn't see any hookers, like in the movie, and the local law was polite, unlike in movies set in the L.A. area.

What was disappointing, moreover, was the absence of rodeo hands. Maybe she happened to go on an off day for rodeos.....  What she did see was a lot of tall, artificially endowed women and older men wearing bad toupees! For some reason, the place attracted boobs and tall women. 

Cowgirl Melinda then resolved to go over to Venice to take a gondola ride, or maybe to Hollywood to see the Walk of Shame, or Walk of Fame. Anyway, the one with the stars with names on them. Surely John Wayne got one. He rated one, she thought; except for The Quiet Man. Too many ridiculous and hurtful stereotypes.



11 comments:

Linda Kay said...

Poor girl. She was completely out of her element! Have a great week, Angel.

Bilbo said...

Somehow I don't see Cowgirl Melinda making a return visit. And I'm sure she wouldn't be any more comfortable in Washington, DC!

Mike said...

If Cowgirl Melinda knew that John Wayne's real name was Marion Morrison and he was born in Iowa would that pop another bubble of hers?

TexWisGirl said...

your last line made me laugh.

Cherdo said...

Ah, the confused and disoriented, wandering the streets. Sounds exactly like Hollywood.

Chuck Bear said...

The whole Left Coast left me confused.

Grand Crapaud said...

Great humor!

Cloudia said...

I don't read cleverly written humor pieces in the New Yorker because who has time for some self-congratulatory boob's take on something super obvious in a hackney's way.

You are always worth reading and reward this reader with an experience more than worth the effort, Angel


John Wayne - Yeah, looking better all the time-

ALOHA from Honolulu,
ComfortSpiral
=^..^=

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

So the Sweethearts of the Rodeo shop on Rodeo Drive?

Dixie@dcrelief said...

Okay, "...not even the acceptably weird of Colorado." I think I started laughing there > > > all the way to here...home of the best 'In and Out' you ever tasted.

Kristen Drittsekkdatter said...

I like the sly humor in unexpected places.