Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Mermaids in the Love Canal

There are various degrees of unlikelihood; some events, while improbable, just might occur.  Upsets happen both in sports and in politics.  Sometimes a blind hog finds an acorn in the woods.  And Diogenes might find an honest man (but he would not be an honest ad man or politician.)

It's true that reality can be surprising; but there are definite limitations as well.  

I use the category Mermaids in the Love Canal to lump together those beyond imaginable unlikely events.  Even after 30 or so years the Love Canal in Buffalo is still remembered for its unparalleled ecological disaster; not likely to be a site for exotic creatures.  So here in Angélique's list of things for sure not likely to be real.

1.  Homeopathy -- Damn, people!  All homeopathic remedies are is water.  Good ole Dihydrogen monoxide is good to drink or to bathe in; but the law of conservation of energy goes against the notion that unmeasurable doses of a drug work better.

2.  Screen doors on submarines -- They literally do not hold water.

3.  Claims made in spam -- No, creams do not enlarge your bust, those Nigerian princes are fake, and you cannot make $200 a day by working in your home calling people.

4.  Anyone who says "Trust me" or "I feel your pain" being sincere.

5.  Pyramid power

6.  The Loch Ness Monster -- Honestly, this sort of monster has been reported for a long time.  So why hasn't anyone found evidence of his or her mama and papa?

7.  Chiropractic -- Support your local professional masseur or masseuse instead.

8.  The putative dangers of vaccine -- Actually, it's more related to disease risk, both individually and socially.  Also, do you really want to take your cues from a former model who posed on the porcelain throne?

9.  Pat answer to any social, personal, or political problem.  Also, especially be mindful of how well worked out are the solutions.



14 comments:

Grand Crapaud said...

I like that expression: "Mermaids in the Love Canal."

John Hill said...

Thank you for this information. I was just getting ready to send my favorite Nigerian Prince my bank account # so he could deposit a million dollars. My plan was to use the money to invest in breast enlargement creams.
Sacre bleu!

Linda Kay said...

I'm for the massage comment... I have a great lady who does more for me on a once-in-six-weeks occurrence than any chiropractor. It's a gift I give myself, and my physical therapy as well! Love John Hill's post!

Françoise said...

Everyone knows that you should massage your boobs with Normandy crème, wear a Wonderbra, and pray to whomever is the patron saint of boobs.

TexWisGirl said...

i'm holding on to my belief in nessie. :)

Mike said...

I remember a story about a woman that died by drinking too much water over a long period of time. She had washed all the electrolytes out of her body for such a long period of time, she died.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_intoxication

Cloudia said...

You tell it sis! 😺

Bilbo said...

What's the big deal about chiropractors? I thought they were nothing more than doctors who practiced in Egypt.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Your nailed it all of them!

Mike said...

Oh, and also when I read 'the love canal' I thought this post was heading in a different direction.

beach lad said...

too many creepy documentaries in my younger years has always had me a little wary of pyramids and their mystical 'powers'.

....henceforth I shall be dispatching that wariness to the mermaids in the love canal.

(i like this chemical equation for water - is that your cleverness or is that the way it is described up there)

Grand Crapaud said...

Dihydrogen oxide is for swimming and washing dirty dishes.

Mike @ A Bit About Britain said...

There's only one Loch Ness monster, so it doesn't have a mum and dad. Never did. It's not unhappy, because it's never known anything else. And it's good for tourism.

John Hill said...

Thank you, ma'am!