Friday, August 29, 2014

Bubba Gets an Accomplice

I'm pleased to report that Bubba, our feckless western North Carolina bank robber, finally realized his limitations and took on an accomplice: Tammy, the red-headed school teacher from Mount Brushy.  I had already mentioned her in relation to sometimes providing entertainment at church services with her music, clogging, or stripping.  

At first Bubba tried to hit on her while in a party barn; but Tammy set him straight: it was a no-go.  Still, she needed someone to do some serious drinking with, and Bubba was buying.  Sometime in the evening Bubba admitted that he was unsuccessful in his bank robbing pursuits and was about to hang it up and get a real job.

Tammy had another idea.  She told him that he needed a partner, someone who was the brains of the operation.  Accordingly, Bubba acquiesced, and she planned the operation:

First of all, this was going to be a bank job during normal hours.  No jobs after dark.

Secondly, they were going to pull this off in Eastern Kentucky.  Bubba was a little leery at first, not wanting to be shot by Marshal Raylin Givens or that badass Constable Bob.*  But it all went according to plan.

Third, Bubba was to wear an all-black ninja outfit with a blue UK on it.  Normal, at least for  Kentucky.  Tammy wore a sultry décollété dress when she went into the First National Bank of Coal County.

In committing the felony, Tammy provided the distraction.  She strutted up to the cashier acting like a celebrity and started to cash a counter check.  Just then, ninja Bubba ran up, brandished a pistol and demanded the contents of the cashier's drawer.

Tammy feigned a dramatic swoon.  She was good at it because she had practice when the Mountaintop Players staged a play.  Her faint provided the major distraction while the masked ninja grabbed the cash from the till.  Tammy rightly figured that all eyes would be upon her; and what the heck, she enjoyed the affirmation.

Now, while Bubba was absconding with the loot, Tammy acted distressed and humiliated.  The teller and the loan manager tried to calm her down while trying to sneak a peek in the process.

Tammy learned at an early age during her visits to Okacroke that guys become instantly distracted if a girl wore a low-cut dress while making a scene.  Naturally, there were limited opporturnities for this in the mountains.  However, the Kentuckians were distracted.  It was not far-fetched to use that as a distraction device in a magic show or even to commit a robbery.

*Two characters from Justified.







15 comments:

John Hill said...

...and that is why magicians often use hot, scantily clad assistants!
(Btw, I'm considering adding an assistant to my show. Interested, Angel? )

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Tammy would have distracted me!

Banana Oil said...

What UK ninja? Tammy's assets would be noticed instead. Nice story.

Linda Kay said...

Aren't people predictable? She's quite a planner.

TexWisGirl said...

i love 'justified'. :)

MarkD60 said...

I had to do a Google Image search on décollété dress....

Mike said...

I googled "black ninja outfit with a blue UK" and got 12 EPT pictures.

Grand Crapaud said...

Leave it to her to upstage a UK ninja.

Anemone said...

I like Justified too. Tim Olyphant is so sexy.

Big Sky Heidi said...

Now that's how to stage a bank robbery!

Big Sky Heidi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Chuck Bear said...

Nice story.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

John Hill, I wouldn't want to be sawed in half!

beach lad said...

so true.

it's an unfair power that women folk have over men.

Bilbo said...

So, did Bubba ever come back to share the loot with Tammy?