Sunday, March 30, 2014

Cowgirl Melinda Has a Hell of a Hamburger

Chuck wagon grub is usually rough; but Cowgirl Melinda was used to it.

There's the stews like sonofabitch stew, with is beef in origin but does not invite too close a scrutiny as to its contents.  Older ranch hands, in deference to Melinda's sex, politely referred to it as "son-of-a-gun stew."

And there's the chilis, which the New Mexican hands persist in spelling chiles, like the country.  Now, usually, these are protein fests, with various beans and tomatoes to spice up the seasoning further.

But it's a sad day when the chuck wagon pickup truck in in the shop, and there's no nearby cafĂ© for the cowhands to go for their well-earned repasts.  On one occasion, they had to make do at a truck stop convenience store.

Now those types of dine-in places are primitive, to say the least: featuring the worst possible cases of fast foods.  Melinda mused that she wished they were too fast to catch, much less eat.

Now Melinda looked on the lunch board, and found that they had hot dogs, burritos, and hamburgers.  Since she was feeling a little peckish, she ordered a pair of hamburgers.  After all, nothing can really go too wrong with a hamburger, could it?  She had a vision of passable edibility: a crisp, blackened patty on a circular bun; perhaps with a swatch of lettuce oand a tomato slice.  The word 'catsup' appeared among the condiments, never a good sign.

Anyway, Melinda chose a pint of low-fat milk, and thought but rejected the jelly doughnut.  Word to the wise: convenience story doughnuts are not for the figure.  Lardy, lardy!

Anyway, the counterman served her two cylindrical objects on hog dog buns.

Melinda exclaimed, "Sir, I ordered a pair of righteous hamburgers!"

The counterman countered with, "These are hamburgers; they're just shaped this way."

So poor Melinda  encountered another one of those dilemmas of post-2000 life: things don't even look like they should.

The damned things just tasted off: kind of a mix of hamburger and hot dog.  Sometimes the appearance of the object does impact on how it tastes.  Melinda ate them both with her eyes closed.

And Cowgirl Melinda and her fellow cowboys resolved to stick to the golden arches or Wendy's in the future.  At least hamburgers there look like hamburgers.

And if this happened in 1914 instead of 2014, the response would be different.  Cowgirls, after all, do have a sense of what is righteous when it comes to serving beef!


Grand Crapaud said...

It sounded perfectly disgusting to me.

TexWisGirl said...

ha ha.

Mike said...

Just walk away.

Big Sky Heidi said...

DON'T try sonofabitch stew!

Cloudia said...

I want the chuck wagon meal!

ALOHA from Honolulu

=^..^= <3

Bilbo said...

I'm reminded of the old joke about the two nuns at the hot dog stand ...