Thursday, March 6, 2014

Angel Looks into Employment as a Jackbooted Thug

Henry David Thoreau once wrote "Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes."  It's obvious that he was not a woman.  We like opportunities for wearing something new, flattering, and (even better) politely sexy.  And at the apex of this wish list is the opportunity to wear new, exciting shoes.

Now I must admit that I was intrigued by an advertisement in the employment section of Times-Picyaune advertising to hire Jack-Booted Thugs.  Good salary, benefits, good retirement plan.  And I wondered, maybe this was an opportunity for me!  After all, I was never good at wearing high heels; maybe wearing shoes with a wider footprint would be for me.  (My appearance in "fuck me" shoes is more suggestive that I don't have my sea legs yet).

So, taking a chance, I made an inquiry.  The Human Resources Director of Jack Booted Thugs R Us Temporary Services affirmed that they were an equal opportunity employer, and that they welcomed applications from women as well as men.   Hmm....this sounded good.

And there must be many occasions for this temporary work.  That is good; and it paid more than the typical T.A. 

[Don't read that as T and A.  Okay?]

The H.R. Director asked me my jack boot size.  I said seven.

"Hmmm.....we might need to get special jack boots for you."

Later on that evening I did a little research on possible outfits for jackbooted thug ladies.  This is what I found:

I seem to qualify in upper measurements, at least.  But the severely cropped haircut seems a bit much for a part-time job.  However, in addition to upsetting the paranoid left and right, I would wear spiffy attire and be well-paid.  Maybe they would even let me ride in one of those black helicopters!


Anonymous said...

What a bunch of skinny chicks!

Mike said...

Wow. There's a dozen of them. Sort of like donuts.

Big Sky Heidi said...

This is a funny story!

Bilbo said...

Would you not be better suited to be a Jillbooted Thug?

Grand Crapaud said...

The thug women are funny, even with their jillboots.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

A really funny post, Angel!

Anonymous said...

sorry, but i'm lost here...jack booted thug is not a saying i've ever heard before. google tells me:

'Jack booted is a derogatory term used to describe an overly oppressive and authoritarian individual or group, often denotes violent tendencies. Thugs, thus described, are those in the service of an oppressive authoritarian, usually employing violence to achieve his/her/their master's goals.

ie: Jack booted thugs stormed in, broke my furniture, kicked my dog, and took my still'


John Hill said...

I'm not sure what services a Jackbooted thug provides, but I'd hire you!