Sunday, November 3, 2013

Voodoo Candles

Voodoo is a set of miscellaneous beliefs involving various spirits and attempting to influence events through supernatural means.  Kind of like depending on the government to do things.  Some voodoo objects involve strong magic, and should be used only by an adapt, like goofer dust (goofus dust) or John the Conquerer.

One simple way of practicing some mild forms of voodoo is by burning candles.  Now you may purchase votive candles, scent candles, or even candles in special containers with the images of saints or voodoo gods on them.  Whatever, it's the color that is the most important element.

Here are what different-colored candles are used for:

White --  White candles are used to contact departed souls, and to ask for blessings, protection, or healing.  It symbolizes purity.

Red --  These colored candles evoke love, passion, romance, and to release the sexual passions.  Burn one with someone's name on it to cause that person to fall in love with you.
      
Green -- This color candle is burned to obtain money and luck in gambling.  In general, green is associatedwith prosperity.

Black -- These colored candles are burned to cause harm or even death to the person whose name is inscribed on them.  Not a nice practice at all.
           
Pink- -- The pink candles are used to foster love, friendships, and romance.  Definitely dialing it down from the effects of red candles.

Blue -- Blue candles are burned in requests for peace, harmony and abundance. 

Purple -- Purple candles are used to control someone else's will.  They should be burned only by people who know what they are doind, as certain forces are unleashed.

Well, those are the traditional ones.  But Voodoo Science, like Voodoo Economics, does change with the time.  Here are some new ones:

Purple and Gold -- Burned to bring about an L.S.U. victory.

Red and Black -- This candle is burned to exorcise the inauspicious effects of a gift of red and black panties or teddies.

Rainbow colors -- For celebrations of Gay Pride Week or subtly announcing to friends that you are out of the closet.

Red, white, and blue -- To celebrate the Fourth!

Green, Gold, and Purple -- To decorate the King Cake; to let the good times roll!

Mauve -- Burn this colored candle before submitting your dissertation to a committee.

But burn a black one if they turn down your dissertation!

8 comments:

John Hill said...

Like buying candles wasn't difficult enough!
Oh, wait! I've never bought candles! But if I ever do, I will be an informed consumer.

Grand Crapaud said...

Burningcandles helps make some people feel better.

TexWisGirl said...

ha ha!

Leroy said...

Doing voodoo candles is some serious crap!

Bilbo said...

I suppose one would burn black and blue candles on election day or on April 15th.

Mike said...

Are you sure it's not just the doo of a voo?

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

There's no gris-gris powerful to defeat the I.R.S.!

Cloudia said...

I adore your crazy creativity!



ALOHA from Honolulu
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