Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Making Trouble on Campus

It's really expected of you as a college student unless you're a SGA wonk: you're going to find some little way to annoy the people in the Division of Student Affairs. Now I have a theory about these people: they're hired to annoy students with various rules and regulations to keep the Good Name (such as it is) of the University in proper status. Actually, they are the worthy descendents of the Puritan Fathers and Mothers. Am I imagining things, or do they privately refer to each other as "Goodman" or "Goody" and persist in wearing those sober clothes even in the nonserious state of Florida? As least faculty members find that student attentions are directed adversely toward these Student Affairs people, and not to them despite sometimes unfair examinations.

Well, making trouble is my forté. And here are some fool-proof strategies to annoy the Dean even though there are no longer any dress codes or dorm hours:

1. Sponsor some disreputable event, like a wet t-shirt contest. This is particularly upsetting if an academic club does so.

2. Spread rumors about wild doings on road trips that in fact were nonexistent.

3. Demand student participation on the Board of Regents or the Council of Deans.

4. Protest the rising cost of tuition.

5. Decorate statuary on campus. One status has been provided with bras so often as to be a cliché.

6. Develop a protest movement asking/demanding better seats at football games. This will cause the alumni money boys to have a conniption fit, as students are supposed to be safely tucked into the end zone.

7. Decorate the dorm or apartment building with those plastic flamingoes.

8. Start a spontaneous pep rally in front of the Prez's house at midnight.

9. Start a movement to abolish Student Government.

10. Start a movement to change the school mascot. No joke. The students at some institutions have successfully gotten their teams named the Aardvarks, the Wonder Boys, the Banana Slugs, the Billikens, and the Ragin' Cajuns. Why should students be content with team names like the Tigers or Lions?

11. Park in the Dean's personal parking space.

12. Flagpoles can be used for flying other things besides flags. Use your imagination here.

13. Put together an outlaw group to participate in the Campus Singing Contest. Develop an a capella medley of the songs of Avril Lavigne for the performance, and end it with the appropriate "Who Let the Dogs Out."

14. Despite being passé, some campuses still sponsor "Miss Whatever" beauty contests. Get your out-of-bounds club to sponsor you. Ham it up satirically. (Psychology or Chemistry Clubs are generally hotbeds of campus sedition.)

15. Point out that you can get textbooks much more cheaply from on-line vendors than at the University Bookstore.

16. Start a rumor that some controversial radio talk show host will appear on campus. Let everyone get in a tizzy.

17. Ask for Open Mike nights in the Student Union. Recite free verse. Even better to a bongo drum. Hey, that's retro!

18. Disreputable meetings. Now this is a page from the faculty. On one campus there was a Friday Prayer Group that set aside a room for their meeting. A Friday Non-Prayer Group requested time for the same room in the very next hour.

19. If all else fails, you can wear Daisy Dukes to Student Government meetings.

20.  Do something legendary, like some M.I.T. students did when they stole Cal Tech's cannon:

Naturally, this deed practically begged for retaliation from the techies at Cal Tech, who were equally up to creativity in making mischief.

M.I.T. pranksters with their booty.



Anonymous said...

One fraternity reliably pissed off the administration in wearing blackface in a parade.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

There was an easygoing about that at Auburn. Nobody did really tacky things though.

Dianne said...

you go MIT brainy women!

Mike said...

The Billikens are right here in St. Louis as are the Gorlocks.

Bilbo said...

Anybody wanna help me steal a cannon?

Kristen Drittsekkdatter said...

It is nice to read about college students being imaginative!

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Really cute engineering babes!

Insane Penguin said...

Some Duke fraternity really got in hot water.

Insane Penguin said...

I didn't know Massachuetts girls wore bikinis.