I will admit that some guys do wear colored briefs. While monocolor ones predominate, occasionally some guys purchase patterned ones. How should one view a guy wearing Spiderman briefs? Should you regard him as totally and irredeemably immature, as making an ironic statement, as having bought them because they were on sale, or simply as a Spiderman fan? You should find your own answer on this one. I would be inclined to regard him as whimsical, and give him a pass. Other ladies might not see it that way, though. Basically, wearing superhero underwear is risky unless you are a certified superhero.
Sorry, Fartman and The Whale don't count. And don't wear a sexy girl's cosplay outfit as underwear. Most of us are not kinky.
Sports team fan underwear is something that guys should maybe think again about; sometimes it may not further your cause. Let's take a very hypothetical case. Suppose a smooth, well-groomed, charming Texan goes to New Orleans, meets a lady there who is smitten by him, and they go to his or her place. Indeed, they initiate some deeds of passion. However, at a critical moment, his indelicate secret is revealed in its total shame: he is wearing Dallas Cowboys briefs or boxers! Now that is a deal-breaker! And only real douches, and New York Yankee fans, wear NY Yankee underwear. But I'm repeating myself. Even if you're a columnist for the New York Times, do not wear New York Yankees underwear!
Let's review the implications of particular patterns on men's underwear:
a. Dollar signs -- He's a banker; or obsessed with money.
b. Hearts -- His girlfriend bought them for him for Valentine's Day.
c. Care Bears -- He's infantilely cuddlesome.
d. Whales -- He's expansive and a blowhard.
e. Plaid -- He's either Scottish; or is overly fond of single-malt Scotch.
f. The BP emblem -- He might have a need for Depends.
g. Ultrabrief, package-revealing -- He is a narcissist, and is overly impressed with himself.
h. Holes -- He doesn't like to shop.
i. Large mammals, like bears or moose -- He is very self-confident and conceited.
j. Small mammals, like squirrels or rabbits -- He is inhibited and lacking in self-confidence. Give him a coupon for pity sex with a sorority girl from the Northeast.
I have a pair of recommendations. The wine-colored boxers illustrated below would make an esthetic showcasing of your package that would surprise and delight women of any age.
Or, alternatively, consider a men's string bikini. The presence of the string ties on either side gives the wearer a pleasing sense of vulnerability; and it offers a coy invitation to pull some strings to get to know you better!
7 comments:
I like your humorous approach to men's underwear, and Ithink that a little colour would help considerably. I have not, however, gone to the point of experiencing buyers's remorse based on what my guy might be wearing under his pants. Yet.
'Most of us are not kinky.'
I think most of us have a little kink in us. It just takes a little experimenting to find out what it is.
Most guys I think would not go in for the string underpants. Going commando an option?
Those boxers look pink to me.
I think that getting a guy to wear panties wouyld be cool. That's a test, of sorts.
Elvis, re-think the string.
Heidi, whatever floats your boat.
Mike, hopefully a comfortable level!
Craspaud, I think they do.
Clarissa, I hope that continues!
Someday I will tell you the story of the brilliantly, eye-hurtingly red bikini briefs I wore under an equally red union suit ... to a Fasching Party in Germany. I was young and silly once.
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