Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Suggestions for a Successful Topless Protest

A series of protests demanding equal rights for women to go topless as men are scheduled to take place on August 26, 2012.  If everything does according to plan, as reported at http://gotopless.org/ [Note: NSFW], there will be a series of topless rallies in several locations in the country, one of which is Asheville.   This event, locally termed Go Topless Asheville, should be meticulously planned.  Our Tarheel protesters should look upon this as a golden opportunity to make the best impression possible.  Asheville and the rest of western North Carolina depends on everyone doing her part!

Accordingly, here are a few modest suggestions for making the occasion memorable.  After all, we are competing for news coverage with tough competitors, including the perennial favorite, Austin, Texas.

1.  Participants should prpare for the event by spending a little quality time at the gym doing ab crunches and otherwise getting their bodies toned for the occasion.  It is fortunate that this event is held in late summer, when bodies are at their most trim and fit. 
2.  While having a nicely tanned body would be nice, it is not recommended that you spend time in tanning booths in preparation.  Instead, a spray-on tan would suffice.
3.  Depending on your degree of tan, use the appropriate sunscreen on sun block.  Be especially sure to apply to areas not normally covered by sunscreen as well.  Enlist the assistance of your boyfriend or neighbor to help in the application of sunscreen in these areas, if needed.
4.  Be sure to shave appropriately as needed: underarms, legs (if wearing shorts), and moustaches (if needed).
5. Be sure to coordinate the topless protest activities with the Chamber of Commerce and the Tourism Board, to help maximize the commercial impact the activity will have on the Asheville economy.  These professionals may in turn provide suggestions to improve this year's event.
6.  Have a well-written brochure to spell out the points that you are trying to make with this topless protest.  Decorate the table to maximize its visibility.
7.  Take the opportunity to include brochures from other Asheville tourist destinations, including Biltmore and the Blue Ridge Parkway.
8.  Enlist the local and regional televised media's support for the protest.  Perhaps one or more television stations may send a reporter who will interview participants while topless also!
9.  Invite local business clubs and church groups to support Go Topless Asheville through announcements and group participants, if desired.
10.  Hold a special body painting category for the Go Topless events.  In order to increase participation in this category, encourage especially the wearing of white and Tarheel blue (UNC), blue and white (Duke), or red and white (NCSU) body paint.
11.  Alternately, participants may wear beads in their institution's colors.  [Where can I find baby blue and white beads?]
12.  If last year's Go Topless event can be taken as an indicator, expect a large number of male attendees.  As indicated by pictures from last year's event, some even wore bras!  It would be desirable to sponsor activities suited for these gentlemen, so as to encourage their support.  Their presence is uplifting, even for as long as 18 hours.  One possibility is to have a weird or exotic bra category for guys!
13.  When you shed your clothing for the Go Topless event, be sure to wear a stylsh, lacy bra.  Don't wear some ill-fitting and solely functional one from a discount store -- wear a bra you can be proud of!
14.  Finally, dare to go bare!  It's your moment in the sun.  Totally! 


Big Sky Heidi said...

Good going, Asheville! I wish Nashville and Knoxville would follow suit. I like your suggestions, Angelique.

Bilbo said...

#%@&! Virginia ...

Anonymous said...

I hope you enjoy your topless day in the sun. Please give us pix afterwards!!!!

Duckbutt said...

This is a cause for freedom in which everyone wins! God bless America!

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Great suggestions! I'd like to add another one: each patricipant/stripper gets to remove her shirt and bra individually, with the best endowed one going last! Kind of build up the suspense, you see!

Mike said...

I could see Missouri being the last of the 50 states to approve this. But Illinois is just across the river.

Anemone said...

While I like the idea in theory, I don't think I'm bold enough to do it. Once I lost my tp accidentally and it was mortifrying!

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Thanks for your thoughts on this, you all!

Anon, I will NOT be a participant.

Anemone, those things happen. It seems that if you act unruffled by it, other people take a cue from it and likelise don't make a big thing of it.

Grenouille Fille said...

If it is permissible to go without the bikini top, then one can save money by buying only the bottom, if one's breasts will permit that.