Friday, March 2, 2012

National Other Woman Day

February 14th is the day that flower vendors, greeting card makers, and jewelers are in their glory: this day is maximally utilized as a point-of-sale opportunity and probably could not go much further.  Also, National Administrative Assistants' Day had emerged a generation ago into one of those mandatory greeting card, gift, and take her out to lunch occasions (hopefully not upsetting the office routine overly much).  And St. Patrick's Day is emerging as a carding occasion, with green-colored greeting cards with shamrocks, leprechauns, St. Patrick, Irish Setters, sexy red-headed colleens, and harps.  And allusions to beer!  (Guinness, no doubt!)

Cinco de Mayo is another possible card and gift occasion, but it must be approached with care to avoid offensive stereotypes.  Still, the Mexican colors of red, white, and green and pretty senoritas will get far.  And coy reminders of Modelo, Pacifico, or Coronas as well.

But the Special Occasion Development Committee was in their annual session to explore new, improved money-making opportunities for businesses to sell more things.  After all, it's the American Way; and both Republicans and Democrats agree: What brings in more tax money is good for America!

To assist the Committee in coming up with new ideas, munchies and margaritas were provided.  Additionally, some used a small amount of weed or nose candy!  (Those types of trades do have affluence enough to keep them in pricier vices, if I may dish on them!!!!)

After several hours of committee thought, Philbert de Quesnay came up with an idea that he raised with his colleagues: Why not have a National Mistress Day.  Michelle LaBelle took up from there in the brainstorming process.

"We could plan it for December 26th.  And this could be a Mandatory Flower Occasion."

Walter Wascoe took it up: "This could be a seriously ostentatious jewelry occasion also; and it would dovetail with lingerie sales too.  Think of those sexy teddies or guepieres or edible panties that could be sold."  Michelle rolled her eyes, imagining herself in one of those flimsies.

Benton Bullard piped up for the greeting card establishment.  "This is just a full of win idea.  And we can sell different types of Other Woman Day cards:  How about wife-to-mistress woman cards?  After all, some wives might think that she should send some kind of acknowledgement to her husband's mistress because she does the heavy lifting!  Walter snickered at Benton's prissiness.

Clive Beaumont said, "Now, wait . . . . we have a great preliminary concept here; but aren't we making its scope unnecessarily short due to packaging this occasion only for the high end of the market.  After all, how many men can afford mistresses?  Maybe we should term it a little different, like National Kept Woman Day or National Grisette Day (Beaumont enjoyed La Boheme).

"Naw, that's too esoteric.  But we need to select a way of referring to the day in nonmoralistic terms.  How about National Other Woman Day?"

There was immediate consensus, as this seemed like an idea whose time as come.  Even the representative of the power tools manufacturers thought of National Other Woman Day as a possible occasion to gift her with a new power drill!  (Be still, my heart!)  The first National Other Woman Day also saw the launching of the prestigious Wife/Other Woman Doubles Tournament in tennis!

When it came to launching the idea of National Other Woman Day, they selected certain prestigious magazines and the three major newspapers of record.  And certain former politicians who had Other Women were signed up as spokespersons, like two former Governors of New York, a former Governor of South Carolina, and a former U.S. Representative. 

So it came to pass: December 26, 2012 became the first National Other Woman Day.


Big Sky Heidi said...

That doubles tennis tournament -- I guess Love won't be a score!

Mike said...

I hate to miss out on things so I guess I'll HAVE to go out and get a mistress. Darn.

Deena said...

Angelique, this is thoroughly outrageously funny and incongress. Where do you come up with this?

Banana Oil said...

I hope you're not serious, because this must be tongue-in-cheek. Would this apply to Sapphic relationships too?

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Mike -- Living large or walking on the wild side?

Heidi -- Who knows?

Deena -- Thank you. Caffiene, exclusively.

Banana Oil -- There's no reason why it wouldn't be possible with Sapphic relationships.

Grand Crapaud said...

I'd prefer it becalled National Mistress Day.

Bilbo said...

While I think this is a splendid idea and brilliantly thought out, would the gifting and card-giving and such also apply in the other direction - to the appreciation of hard-working, if underappreciated and somewhat less numerous gigolos?