Saturday, February 4, 2012

Furnishing the Naked Room

HGTV is a favorite channel for many people because it satisfies their need to see other places, how the other half lives, and to get decorating ideas.  I especially like House Hunters International, and muse over why someone would desire to live in East Abunnia or Dorkistan.  (And I feel a little provincial afterwards as a result.)  Sometimes HGTV presents curious and innovative ideas for the house beautiful.  I'd like to propose one.

In the romantic comedy Failure to Launch we consider a typical directionless soon-to-not-be-young man of 35 (Matt McConaguey) who doesn't marry and settle down, but who still lives with his parents (Kathy Bates and Terry Bradshaw) who hire a woman to turn him around (Sarah Jessica Parker).  In one memorable scene, he confronts his father, who has taken up naturism.  We get a shot of an All-Pro's cheeks, and the man proclaiming that "Well, this is my Naked Room. I mean, it's my house. A man ought to be able to do whatever he wants to do in his own house."

What a concept!  A naked room.  A room devoted to indoor naturism.  Naturally, it would have originated in California.

It turns out that having a Naked Room is sometimes found on the West Coast.  And I think it's a fine thing; a new concept calling for a special room dedicated to it.  However, it might take a long time before there's trickle down into the hollers of West Virginia or the high rises of Atlanta.  Still, the West Coast is the trand-setting locale: America at its most innovative.  But for those in other parts of the country, we crave instruction as to what should be the use of the naked room and how it should be furnished.  After all, some day the Church Committee might be called on to decorate the naked room in the minister's house! 

To help the process along, I offer a few modest guidelines:

1.  Obviously, the naked room should be comfortable, perhaps a little warmer than the spaces for wearing clothes.  For the intrepid New Englanders desirous of getting in touch with themselves, a nice fireplace might add a comfy note.  That thought might give the rest of us pause.

2.  The furniture should be soft, gentle-texture lounge furniture, much like that found in spaces or beaches in other places.  Plastic furniture is to be avoided.

3.  An ample supply of large, fluffy towels should be provided for furniture coverings and for spot covering when needed for comfort.  The color of the towels should blend compatibly with the furniture.

4.  A large skylight and windows is absolutely important.  Natural lighting should be taken advantage of, both from the absorbing of Vitamin D and the warm, cozy feeling of sun.  Obviously, use sunscreen or sunblock, depending on your skin type.

5.  An adjacent patio with a hot tub is good.  Swimsuits for the imhibited should also be provided, so that they can at least immerse their toes into the philosophy of the naked room.

6.  Artwork should be chosen with care.  One tasteful nude is good news; more than one may cause the viewers to wonder if they had strayed into the Bougereau room of the Art Museum.  The remainder of the artwork being comprised of abstracts or ornithology prints.

7.  The walls should, preferably, be painted in a soft white or other light shade to provide the maximum sensation of airy lightness.  Avoid dark colors, as they tend to be oppressive!  [Orange-painted rooms should be reserved for rooms used by in-laws.] 

8.  Music, music, music!  Let there be music!  A variety of genres are compatible with indoor naturism: classical, rock, soft rock, salsa, country, rap, etc.  Be the first to go naked with Gregorian chants!


Grand Crapaud said...

I'm on board with the idea of the naked room -- as log as it's heated!

Full Cup Balcony said...

You can go gloriously nude or Oriente Beach, near Marigot, where I live.

Bilbo said...

If you have the proper shades or curtains, any room can be a naked room. You should also put a little piece of tape or something over the lens of your webcam, too. I think that having a designated "naked room" would take something out of the fun of going natural, which ought to be a spontaneous thing, particularly with another similarly clad person of your choice. Oh, and Gregorian Chants are my background music of choice for working in my study, naked or not.

Mike said...

Playing air guitar in the naked room would have a whole new meaning.

Big Sky Heidi said...

My entire apartment is declared a naked room!

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Try selling that idea to the Baptists!

Anonymous said...

The irony here is delicious!