Saturday, September 24, 2011

Rules for a Successful First Date

1.  First of all, to answer the first thing that you might be thinking.  The answer is NO!  Unless you are a career call girl.

2.  Have only one alcoholic drink on the first date; That is a good plan.  I know many have a tendency to drink more in situations where they feel nervous, but this is a no-no.  This is not necessarily because you might strip out of your dress and dance on the table; but because most people, like me, have tongues become less guarded when they've had more than one drink.  You don't want one of those "Oh my God!  Did I really say that?" moments the next day.

3.  Avoid ordering the most expensive entrée on the menu, even if the person you are going out with is highly prosperous.  Ordering that is very bad form.

4.  If you go to dinner, don't take your shoes off during the meal.  Once I did so; and could not find them to put them on again.  The guy I was with was startled at my movements, and thought that I was playing footsie with him.

5.  Speaking of shoes, don't wear stripper heels: falling on your face or behind is never suave and sophisticated.  Any bruises you acquire from that is easily misinterpreted.

6.  Don't play "snap the wishbone" or demonstrate that you can tie a cherry stem while using only your mouth.  He will wonder how you acquired this ability.

7.  Three topics it's prudent to avoid: religion, politics, and sex.  There are others that are risky, like opinions on the designated hitter in baseball; but those for sure.

8.  Before you go on the date, at least do a skimming of the sports news so that you can provide something to talk about in case of those awkward moments.  You probably don't have to do this is the guy you're going out with is majoring in English or history.

9. Dress mildly or discreetly sexy; but underplay your hand.  Don't offer to show him your new stockings bought specifically for that evening!  And tame décollété. if any.

10.  Don't order anything with barbecue sauce; it tends to stain at the most inconvenient times.  Anyway, when you go out with a Southern male, 50% of the time the barbecue sauce you specify is wrong, and it marks you as a barbarian!

11.  Leave your shootin' iron at home.  It fits very poorly in purses that you carry in the evening.  THat is, unless you are going to shoot rats at the dump for the date activity.

12.  Typically, going to a dog track is not an acceptable venue for a first date; as is going to a dog fight.  Don't request either if you're asked what you would like to do.

13.  Topics to be avoided: your siblings, ex-boyfriends, neighbors who streak at 6 A.M. on your street, and so forth.

143.  Unless the date is to do roller skating with a sk8r boi [sic], wearing a t-shirt commerating a band and Daisy Dukes is not apropos.

15.  Don't ask him in for coffee.  This is very likely to be misinterpreted as an offer of you on the menu.

16.  Also, don't put him on the spot with questions like "Is my butt too big?, "How do you like my boobs?" or "Do you think I need liposuction?"

17.  Encourage him to talk about his interests, his sports, his pet, and so forth.  If he says that he's into discipline, you just found out a reason why you might not want date #2.

18.  If the first date is a movie, don't insist that he take you to a chick flick.  A light comedy sets a positive tone for the evening; but if he's cool, he might even take you to a Harry Potter one.


Anonymous said...

Harry Potter? You're kidding, no shit?

Sinner Bob said...

What's this? Do call girls have to put out on the first date?

Bilbo said...

I must assume you have a similar advice list for men ... of course, it's 30 years too late to be of use to me, but it would surely be a boon to the other hopeful men out there. BTW, does four years spent living in Shreveport while assigned to Barksdale AFB many years ago give me any honorary Cajun points?

Big Sky Heidi said...

19. What about a happy ending for chicks?

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Sage advice . . . . worth a read.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Not kidding about Harry Potter. Some us us are wild about Harry.

I plan to write advice for men also; but it won't be read by geeks, nerds, or dorks. Not to mention the ESPN group.

First-line call girls can defer it for a while.