Skippy, the Evil Twin Attorney-General of Alabama, was thinking dark thoughts.
Sadly, the Heart of Dixie had severely strayed from the straight-and-narrow. This could be seen by the movement to legalize video bingo, draft beer in certain cities, losses of church attendees, and the increased boldness and lewd dress on public beaches!
Even though the oil spill news had appeared nightly on the news, it seemed that the debauchery on the beaches had increased and the swimsuits had become increasingly skimpy. There seemed to be a consistent local reluctance to do anything about it, perhaps thinking it was bad for business.
He thought, "There ought to be a law . . . . " when the problem was that the state legislature has become increasingly moribund.
Clearly, it was time for a moral crusade; one to whip up fervor and to serve as a clarion call for action.
Now at that particular moment he was driving in Birmingham, and he saw the giant iron statue of Vulcan.
Ahhh! He was inspired! Alabamians need something to be worked up about. Aren't they offended by Vulcan's pantslessness? If there's any obvious example of what not to follow, the Big Iron Guy is it!
Maybe Vulcan simply mis-read the Biblical injunction to turn the other cheek? No matter; have them issue a citation for Vulcan's public nudity. Make him put on trousers. Maybe Belk's or Macy's or Rich's could come up with a suitable pair. Checkered pants would look nice! Since Birmingham is a University of Alabama city, maybe a red-and-white pattern would do.
"Now maybe that will show those little trollops that dare to go topfree at Gulf Shores," he thought.