Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Peace-Keeping Mission

Service as a peace mediator is a tensing, yet satisfying task; and an Ad-Hoc Peacekeeping Mission was dispached to try to hammer out an accord between the warring factions.  Who could not help but wince at the untrammeled hostility and fiery violence that broke out in the unfortunate city of Detroit. nThe nation was mesmerized by the ferocity of the rage, impelled by forces that were clearly not mortal in a sports palace, of all places.  This was the event that caused Holistic Woman, The Masked Psychologist, The Prophetess, The Ambiguous Metrosexual, and Mellow Boy to be assigned to this peace mediation task that entered The Motor City soon after the event.

How to deal with the immediate situation?  An element of Good Karma was needed. Fortunately, Holistic Woman brewed an industrial-sized batch of herbal tea and required each of the combatants to drink.  This tea was a powerful laxative, and their attention was compellingly drawn to more basic concerns!  The cerevesa of the territory was banned from sale, whether in paper cups or in cans.  The Prophetess provided a creative further solution.  Every participant would be required to remove his belt, and to hold a large balloon in one hand.  Admission to rest rooms was only for those with balloons.  She also gave the mandatory two-hour course in Anger Management for Dummies to all participants.

The Masked Psychologist diagnosed the fight participants' problem as involving low self-esteem. Part of it was the unsuccessful semblance of football and baseball played by the local other pro teams, and part was due to the incredibly dumb names that the teams were hampered with.  After all, how can anyone feel well about himself if he plays for a team named the Pacers or the Pistons?  So, the M.P. suggested that team name changes were needed.  Holistic Woman, The Prophetess, and The Ambiguous Metrosexual came up with some alternatives that were ego-elevating yet nonaggressive: The Detriot Dillweeds and the Indiana Ingenues.

The Ambiguous Metrosexual prescribed aloe facials, manicures, yoga, and yogurt for the players and fans.  And new uniforms for the players. Shorts that were less baggy, color schemes that were pastels, and ballet shoes to replace the ugly basketball shoes. (It was a real challenge to find 15E ballet shoes.)  A new form of sportswear was prescribed for Detriot fans: mauve shirts with lace-trimmed collars!  The Detroit City Fathers were struck dumb with amazement and gratitude at these outstanding ideas! They purchased the first fans' sportswear and wore them even during the day at work.

Mellow Boy held back, but then offered his solution: a little weed.  Now if the Feds could be persuaded to look the other way, then this little old fighting problem is solved!


Sinner Bob said...

A nice funny read.

Sinner Bob said...

BTW you look hot in that bikini!

Banana Oil said...

That's peace-keeping I could do!

Sexy swimsuit.