Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Can Women Be Assholes?

This is one of those things -- in less-than-polite society we occasionally hear someone referred to as an asshole; this is not synonymous with rectum, and invariably that person is of the male sex.  Now I have given it some thought, and I wonder just why this is the case?

The interesting thing about these types of assholes is that they're successful in their actions, although annoying and provocative.  Tom Cruise played several characters with asshole traits; but especially Maverick from Top Gun.  Simply stated, guys like assholes, despite their label. 

Is this a quirk of language; and there are different terms used to apply to similarly-behaved people who just happen to be female?  If so, then what is the distaff equivalent to "asshole"?

Or maybe this is one of those cases in which anatomy is destiny.  For example, does possessing breasts inhibits one's capacity to perform in an asshole-like manner?  The scientist in me would suggest that we consult data when in doubt.  For example, it would be reasonable to assume that flat-chested women would be capable of assholedom.  In other words, we would expect a Power Law curve like this:

Bra Cup Size    Percent Assholes
      AA                  20
        A                   2
        B                   1
        C                   0
        D                   0
        DD                 0
        E                   0


Or maybe it's the extra X-chromosome.  If so, there would be no males with Kleinfelter's syndrome who are assholes.  (Persons who have Kleinfelter's syndrome are XXY males.)

A possible interpretation for this comes from cognitive psychology.  Specifically, certain features of the female anatomy serve as cognitive disqualifiers in categorizing a person in this manner.  One prominent possibility would be womanly breasts.  In other words, the mental processes of guys goes like this:

1)  This person is exhibiting annoying, asshole behavior.
2)  Whoops!  She has boobs.
3)  Therefore, this person cannot an asshole.

Actually, another possibility is that women's non-attainment into assholedom is simply a residual societal restriction against women left over from the bygone past.  If so, then achieving assholedom parity should be one of proper goals of feminism!  After all, maybe this is simply a lifestyle choice that few of us have considered, and one that have numerous rewards.

15 comments:

Banana Oil said...

Angelique, this is astonishing! I have heard both men and women referred to as "assholes" -- as a matter of fact, I have heard the term applied even to household pets. One gal said that about her dog, humping a toy bunny rabbit!

Women should become more adventuresome in exploring lifestyle choices . . . .

Duckbutt said...

I'm inclined to the "there's-another-word-for-those-actions-if-women-perform-them" theory. Maybe women just have not indicated any wish to be so called.

Deena said...

Why on Earth would a woman want to be one of them? The idea is almost misogynist!

eViL pOp TaRt said...

banana oil -- Reading about a dog being an asshole is a new one for me, but I don't want to be speciesist!

2. Duckbutt -- I'm inclined in that thought too.

3. Deena -- I don't know that some women actively select being one. For some, it just happens.

bakku-shan said...

Wak! So, flat-chested women CAN be assholes? Is there no justice in the world?

Hell Hound said...

In Jimmy Buffet's "The Asshole Song" there are lyrics:

"And all your friends are assholes,
You've known them all your life;
Someone just told me
You've got an asshole for a wife."

Deena said...

But why?

Sinner Bob said...

Yu know, being an asshole might be a foolproof way of attracting women. Look at how successful rock stars and jet pilots are!

Svejk said...

I've known some grade A assholes who were female!

Sinner Bob said...

So if an asshole would just wear a bra and stuff it with tissue, he would no longer be an asshole?

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Sinner Bob, some asshole surely will try it sometime!

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Thanks or the song reference, Hell Hound. I found a You Tube video of a girl in a straw hat singing it. Cute

Sinner Bob said...

This was a classic!

Atomic Dog said...

I've known a few, of both sexes!

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Retrospectively, I would admit to that, too!