Pompous Ass Words

Let us consider pompous ass words, so beloved of editorial writers in some of the major newspapers and journals. These are those words which are more obscure than the simpler word for which it substitutes. The gentle reader is reminded, or made to believe, that the writer is more erudite than the reader and therefore should immediately be worthy of awe and automatic acquiescence to her or his point of view! It's kind of like the Ivy League equivalent to using a blackjack!

Anyway, this site introduces some of those words, and gives examples. But here's some right now: coruscating, scrofulous, pertinacious, contretemps, febrile, legerdemain, assiduous, mélange, nullipara, antipodal, vapid, and others. And there's more: also given are some examples from newspapers and magazines. This is, like hit lit!

Don't be an ass. Eschew obfuscation!


http://www.pompousasswords.com/www/index.htm

High School Students Making the News

It's that silly time of the school year for high schools and middle schools. However, recently two stories involving this age group made the news.

At several high schools in the South (and maybe in other places too), there is a long-standing tradition of senior pranks despite being discouraged by the school authorities. And it's understandable; whereas generations of old were content to write in chalk on sidewalks, put a flock of plastic flamingos on the school lawn, or perhaps paint "Seniors '75" on a water tower, latter day seniors sometimes go in for more serious acts of vandalism. Things can get out of hand sometimes.

This recently occurred at a high school in Tennessee somewhere near Chattanooga. During the senior prank approximately 100 young miscreants entered the school and performed assorted acts of vandalism including toilet paper-rolling the inside of the school, dumping garbage cans, smearing vegetable oil and ketchup on the wall, peeing on the floor, putting goldfish in the toilets, and leaving a dead possum behind. Some hid marbles under straw by the door, intending to cause teachers to take a header!

However, their secrecy was compromised: they were caught in the act on tape!

When school opened the next day, they kept the students in the gym while the teachers had to mop up the classroom and halls! (I got that And I guess one had to dispose of the corpus delecti! Now, in my opinion, that totally sucked!

Here's why: The teachers did nothing wrong; yet they were called on to do a disgusting task and, in effect, were punished for the bad kids' deeds! Ugh! To compound the insult, the kids got to wait in the gym while the teachers did something that they were not hired to do, and probably got a good laugh out of it! To compound the problem, a few teachers were injured due to the oil and water!

Anyway, the School Resource Officer was fired by the Sheriff, and the Principal was suspended without pay pending a probe of what happened. What in the world went on there? Anyway, the students who participated in the vandalism were banned from graduation, but had to pick up their diplomas on the day after graduation. 

I imagine there was a considerable pall over the school and community. There must be more to the story. Why was the Principal and the School Resource Officer also punished?

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An additional commotion broke out as the result of a posed picture. Some high schoolers in Colorado went viral for a different reason: a pre-prom picture. Specifically, eight students at Chapparal High School in Colorado posed for a picture in which a Confederate flag and assault rifles were used as props. This brought the wrath of God or Progressives (or maybe both) on them! Now I wonder if the fuss, ado, and such was really worth it. 

Okay, it probably did not represent the best judgment; but the media response to it is like using a drone strike on a crawfish hill! Looking at the group's pose, it has all the hallmarks of a comic pose or even satire. Even the girls forming their hands into guns contributes to this.  At the bottom of this I sense an inside joke that outsiders missed.

Anyway, the group portrait would not thrill either the N.R.A. or the U.D.C. I can imagine this tableau appearing on a comedy skit ridiculing both groups; and high schoolers enjoy jerking adults' chains!

By the way, I think that the one on the right with the assault rifle had an outstanding prom dress! She has excellent taste in clothing, but maybe not in accessories!

Armadillos

The nine-banded armadillo is an interesting mammal, with an appearance looking very much tank-like if you can conceive of one approximately a foot and a half long. It mostly lives on grubs and insects such as beetles, ants, and termites. However, they dig up a lot of ground, and can be damaging to crops.

A unique feature of them is that the female armadillo usually gives birth to identical quadtruplets, a feature that can be useful in genetic research. There are only two mammalian species that carry Hansen's disease (leprosy): humans and armadillos. Approximately 20% of armadillos carry the bacillus for Hansen's disease, and it is a vector for Hansen's disease in humans. It is also a possible source of Chagas disease.

The armadillo's original range was South America; but with the opening of the land bridge between South and North America in the Cenozoic era, this expanded their range. Presently they are in the Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, and the Southern states as far as the Atlantic Ocean. Potentially, they may migrate into North Carolina, Virginia, most of Pennsylvania, and even possibly coastal New York and Connecticut. Imagine armadillos in Central Park or on the White House lawn! That could disrupt the annual Easter egg roll.

On the other hand, don't look for armadillos to infiltrate the coffee houses of Seattle or run amok on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.



The outward appearance of armadillos is somewhat comical. It is surprising that there has not been an armadillo cartoon. I was able to find one children's story book about a multi-hued armadillo. Apparently he was leading a life as a hobo. Or maybe he was one of those armadillos destined to be pioneers in the Empire or Keystone states!

What about using an armadillo as a college mascot? Unfortunately, there is a surfeit of institutions who use iconic animals such as bears, lions, and tigers as mascots; and some with regional ones: catamounts, gators, wolverines. But none has adopted the armadillo, even though it could be seen as a fertility symbol. However, the official mascot for last year's FIFA World Cup Tournament was a grotesquely unrealistic armadillo named Fuleco! This mascot could in no way be seen as a inspiration for lovemaking!

These should be placed in the same category as racoons and possums: interesting to look at but not to touch.

Rest Room Signs

While the most common sex-specific designations of rest rooms are "Men" and "Women," and less often "Ladies" and "Gentlemen," sometimes other forms of specification may take place. Now this is complicated with the occasional persons who would specify another description, but that is something beyond the scope of my musings for now. Besides, by bringing up the topic of necessary rooms or 'bathrooms' or other attempts at euphemisms, I already skirting on the dangerous side of good manners.

However, some people elect to designate the sexes by the non-parallel binary: "Men" and "Ladies"; but that is risky. It supposes that the ladies would be comfortable in a setting where gentlemen are not present. Also, the nit-picker might argue that four restrooms should logically be required: "Ladies/Gentlemen/Men/Women."

And then there are the attempts to be cute when designating rest rooms:

1) "Kings" and "Queens."
2) "Pointers" and "Setters."
3) "Caballeros" and "Señoras"
4) "Boars" and "Sows"
5) "Sisters" and "Brothers" [With pictures of nuns and monks, respectively.]
6) "Cowboys" and "Cowgirls"
7) "Roosters" and "Hens."
8) "Rough Riders" and "Mounts" -- Which I find to be utterly disgusting.

And then there was the clueless barbecue joint that had restrooms for "Heifers" and "Steers."  Somebody must have given them a bum steer when it came to those signs, unless the clientele consisted of women and eunuchs!

It's safer to include foreign language words with pictures:

Or even to use only a small figure on the door to forestall embarrassing situations:

What Is the Most Inappropriate Place for a First Date?

The all-important first date! It's a social situation that requires a certain amount of finesse in which both parties should behave well and hopefully the setting would be comfortable and allow for both to become better acquainted. It's an occasion for testing the waters of a possible relationship, and should include opportunities for conversation. Yes, talk is important, guys and gals! A few how-to-do-it articles have been written about where to take her (or him) that you plan to date. There are the old standbys: dinner, coffee, or a movie. Unfortunately (or fortunately), choice of those settings reveals little about the self. There is a philosophy of first dating that view an imaginative choice of setting is a winning approach; one that guarantees that there will be a second date, followed by a third. However, some people have not really learned basic rudiments of socially appropriate behavior, and fail dismally!

Recently, Fark.com had a thread in which people could contribute possible inappropriate settings. Some of those seemed very funny to me; but be warned that there's the same snarkiness from internet lurkers that have way too much time on their hands. In a serious vein, I propose that a list of where not to set the first date is good supplementary advice for where not to take her/him!

Accordingly, the Love Goddess Angélique offers this basic list of not so good settings for a first date:

1. A Whoopie Cushion factory.

2. A strip show.

3. Shooting rats at the city dump.

4. A wet t-shirt contest in which the person invited is expected to participate.

5. The morgue.

6. A biker bar.

7. A wrestling match.

8. To get your dog's anal glands expressed.

9. To an adult toy store.

10. To visit your mother in prison.

11. For breakfast at McDonald's.

12. To your group therapy session.

13. A double date with Nancy Grace.

14. A political rally.

15. A used car lot.

16. Crimea.

17. Jersey Shore.

18. Night court.

19. A Nickleback concert.

20. A cheerleading competition.

21. A master's oral exam.

22. A sperm bank..

23. A bus depot to play pinball there.

24. To see a Mariah Carey impersonator show.

25. A guided tour of Orleans Parish Prison.
26. Hooters.
27. A dance club, with loud music.
28. To accompany you when you buy some weed.
29. Detention.
30. Your family's Thanksgiving dinner.
31. To hang out at your house or apartment.
32. A cockfight.
33. To listen to Rush Limbaugh.
34. A wedding chapel in Vegas, even if Elvis performs the ceremony.

Okay, I gave a few bad ideas. Can you offer a few additional lousy ideas for a first date? Let your inhibitions run wild, as Rod Stewart sang in the song "Tonight's the Night (Gonna Be Alright).

Running the Derby

Today is the 141st running of the Kentucky Derby, styled the best two minutes in sports. Here is another riff on a theme I raised earlier. And one of America's greatest authors, William Faulkner, described literately the spectacle that is the Kentucky Derby.

Posing for Horndog Magazine

When someone is a bored and cash-needy female grad student some temptations are very hard to resist. No, not a liasion with a Dean, but that's a good try. No, in this case Horndog magazine was doing a photoshoot on "The Girls of the Lower South Conference," and Madison considered that she looked great in a bikini body and flaunted it once in a Miss Bikini Contest in a Gulf Coast dive once. She rather enjoyed the experience, and the reinforcement of winning Second Place. Oh well, coming in Place is better than coming in Show or being in the rest of the field in a filly claiming race. [I should mention that Madison was also a fan of horse racing, being a carrier of a Kentucky driver's license.]

So Madison sent in a head shot through e-mail, and was invited to a photoshoot. This was way, way back in February, and Madison was one of the few aspiring models from Middle Georgia University who had not put on a few wintry pounds when the selection process was taking place. You know Georgia girls like their hush puppies! As a matter of fact, they even tried to get her to pose topfree, but she settled for a swimsuit pose! She wasn't that daring.

Anyway, soon enough (but not for Madison) the September issue of Horndog magazine came out and the boys of the Lower South Conference purchased their copies in droves. And some of them said, "OMFG, is that one of the teaching assistants of the Biology Department?" In fact, a few scattered male professors also bought copies, except for those in English. They were not about to purchase a magazine with a shocking use of slang manifested in its title!

Anyway, the Chair of the Biology Department was surprised to find that Madison's laboratory sections closed out early in registration for reasons that he could not comprehend. Furthermore, 90% of her students were male! "Oh well," the Chairman thought. "She is a pretty young ingenue and would be likely to attract the boys. Maybe I should make her my T.A. My lecture sections have been underenrolled and I need the boost to do well on my merit factor assessment."

However, he could not understand why a few spontaneous requests for Madison to teach the laboratory sections for Human Anatomy. Sometimes university administrators are out of touch with reality, but sometimes undergraduates just have no sense! He also could not understand when three universities offered her an assistant professorship. She was expected to get only an instructor's position, maybe.