The Civility in Speech and Writing Committee Meets

Very clearly, the Joint Faculty-Student Committee Civility in University Speech and Writing Committee had a lot on its plate.  The barbarians were at the gates still; but using a more subtle approach!  No longer were many students still using non-p.c. terminology; as a matter of fact, the Publication and Blog Monitoring Committee reported very little in the way of behaviors to clamp down on: the q-word, the s-word, the f-word, and other linguistic no-nos went the way of the "Pineapple Jack" sleep dresses and the silver loafers of the 1980's, as well as the virgin pins of an earlier time when such creatures were rumored to walk the campus.  The drumming and rapping sets were tamed; something about the formation of a Christian Rap Club and the Co-ed Drum Circles de-fused these possible sources of dissention and inappropriate speech.  Still there was the vocal minority who, in insolent defiance of the wishes of alums and bottom line-oriented administrators, still spoke out in their opposition to college athletes.  But those were toothless bears as long as the football team was winning.

So what were the current worries of the committee?  

First, there was the burgenoning trend toward indecency in dress; but to make matters worse, how those improprietries were referred to sorely distressed the English faculty.  There was, for example, the creeping Hollywoodisms of "sideboob," "underboob," and "butt cracks"; totally barbarous terms to refer to breaches in civility and modesty.

The Dean of Modesty offered a proposal: forbid, under penalty of suspension for the first offense, expulsion for the second offense, any cleavage display of any type.  She suggested that the University could draw on the ground-breaking advisory given by CBS to the presenters at the Grammy Awards Ceremony.

Professor Jamieson of Marketing demurred, "But what about those gowns that the female students' parents allowed them to wear to their proms?  Are those only for back home?  Parents might object; and we might experience blowback from the local businesses if this is a factor causing the students to go home on weekends instead of spending time and money here!"

Dr.  Wilkins of Economics offered some alarming numbers, "At a bare minimum, this will result in a 60% more students going home per weekend than before; with a resulting negative impact on businesses on The Strip."   Where those figures came from also suggest that you can nail Jell-O to the wall.

Therefore, the emphasis shifted back to language.

Dr. Crenshaw of the English Department raised an important issue: maybe it's not the dress, but the terminology that is primarily offensive.  "We must consider, it's not primarily the garments, but the dysphemistic terminology that offends sensibilities.  According to the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, language influences thought.  And this especially includes euphemisms.  Accordingly, let's include in our 'Proper and Improper Words and Style Manual' such forbidden words as 'sideboob,' 'underboob,'  'butt crack,' and the like.  But in order for implementation of this policy to be accomplished with maximum efficiency, the University needs also to propose desirable substitute terminology."

The Dean of Modesty, intrigued, asked for some examples.

An erudite student opined, "Well, we could specify that instead of "'underboob,' 'Australian cleavage' is recommended."

Professor Crenshaw inquired, "Should Australian be capitalized, or not?"

Dr. Wilson of the Sociology Department raised an interesting point: "I say that we leave it uncapitalized.  To capitalize that word might cause Australian nationals and Australian-Americans to take offense; but to leave it uncapitalized simply emphasizes the face that the cleavage comes from underneath."

The Dean of Modesty said, "Let's leave it uncapitalized, then.  That's one shrimp we don't need to throw on the barbie."



Example of australian cleavage




Example of lateral cleavage

What about "sideboob?  While that was regarded as a barbarism, it was more difficult to come up with a civility substitute.  However, being bright scholars well-versed in periphrastics, they came up with "lateral cleavage."  And they were satisfied.

No such problem occured with "butt crack."  The suggested term, "buttocks décolletage" was viewed as absolutely linguistically charming; and would serve appreciably to neutralize any dismay that the phyiscal display might cause.  As an indication of its quick acceptance, local plumbers' unions and the AP quickly embraced this term.

All members of the committee were so proud of their efforts that they bought souvenir sweat shirts emblazoned with Periphrastic Committee.  It was good for morale.

Personality Disorders and Committee Activity

Personality disorders are inflexible, maladaptive patterns of personality and behavior, particularly in relation to other people.  They can be thought of as extremes in personality that result in distress to the diagnosed person or to others.  The American Psychiatric Association distinguishes these on Axis II of the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems.  

It is rather paradoxical that, although personality disorders are defined partly in terms of how a person relates to others, there has been no systematic categorization of how personality disorders impact on that most human of social enterprises: the committee.

In some ways, we can hypothesize that committee work had its antecedents in the primordial male bond, originally functioning to hunt large game, with the resultant sharing of its fruits: a largesse of meat, increases in esteem of the participants, and possibly opportunities for sexual congress afterwards, (or so we can hypothesize).  Some present-day committes just simply screw things up.

Anyway, bless 'em or damn 'em, we got committees.  Up to that unspecified geographical feature, the wazoo! 

Now committees have their fans and their nay-sayers.  Consider these old saws:

"A camel is a horse designed by committee."

"A committee is where minutes are kept and hours are wasted."

So, what kinds of personality disorders intersect with committee activity?  I'll venture these:

1.  The passive-aggressive personality disorder -- The person with this personality disorder revels in dilatory tactics because he perceives them to be annoying to others.  As a result, meetings do not go as planned by the moderator; they drag out ad infinitum.

2.  The histrionic personality disorder -- Thhis participant engages in attention-provoking behaviors, taking up a lot of extra time.  He or she may do something unexpected, or dress inappropriately for the setting, or just plain repeatedly interrupt so as to be noticed.  The result is that the focus is drawn away from the ostensible business to whatever this person is doing.

3.  The narcissistic personality disorder -- Unlike the histrionic person, this person is his or her own cheering section.  He does not deal well with ideas not his own, but tries to bludgeon his through the committee process irrespective to other committee members' contributions.  In effect, they are relgated to an amen corner of sycophants.

4.  The obsessive-compulsive personality disorder -- In this one, the diagnosed person is caught up with minutae, and metaphorically cannot see the forest from the trees.  This type of person tends to split hairs, seeing his or her role as being sure everything is done in proper form.  While this person does not intend to frustrate others, she or he does.

5.  The antisocial personality disorder -- This personality disorder is characterized by "a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood." (American Psychiatric Association).  Now that can fit several examples of committees, from groups of playground bullies to Congress (think of Netflix's series House of Cards).

6.  The paranoid personality disorder -- This type is characterized by paranoia, a generalized distrust of others, and excessive suspicion.  Some committees and groups based on conspiracy theories may be affected by this type of personality disorder.

It is presently premature to speculate on whether the proposed self-defeating personality disorder may impact on committee functioning, unless the committee chair is of this type.

I hope this analysis may be of some value to you in conceptualizing committees.  It is worth noting that these personality disorders may be characteristics of key members only, or the group in general.

However,most of the time committes don't work because of everyday, nonpathological reasons, such as:

1.  Having a committee chair who is indecisive or not firm enough to keep everyone on the subject;

2.  The committee not having a specific obect or agenda;

4.  The committee not having enough time or resources to do its function;

5.  The committee members not being sufficiently committed to its objective.

The Dirt Road Sports Make an Appearance

The Southern urban settings are relatively like those of the North: the stolid everyday folk go about their bidness (sic), the bohemians try to be sophisticated with some degree of success, and the underworld is usually polite enough to not make its doings too obvious.

In the mountainous South, however, there is the phenomenon of the dirt road sport.

Now, what's a dirt road sport?  Basically, this is a backwoodsy, misbehaving guy who gets into minor mischief, historically in association with moonshine, but nowadays the possibility of weed or meth usage compounds the problems.  They get into trouble, or engage in minor mischief in the main; but  if riled, they may explode into real violence.  Usually, the experience of a hangover, an unanticipated trip to a hospital E.R., or a few days in jail is enough to keep them okay until okayness is too much for them to bear.  Their neighbors tend to dismiss them as feckless, a no-'count lot.  Let's join two of these.

Billy Bob and his sidekick Bubba show up sporadically in town, and mischief of tomfoolery always followed in some form.

It's, like, 2 A.M., and "BAM!  BAM!"  Shots were heard on the outskirts of Main Street.  It seems that Bubba and Billy Bob each demonstrated their marksmanship by shooting holes in the sign reading "Scroungout, Tenn.  Speed Limit 30 MPH."  Both Bubba and Billy Bob were able to hit the ohs directly in the center.  These two, and other dirt road sports, shoot up a lot of signs that way.

Sheriff Buford came along, and his first take on it was, "Good shooting, boys!"  Law enforcement sometimes uses a light hand when the judges and county officials are not involved.

On another occasion, Bubba had issues with the local Episcopal minister.  As a result, our guys stole some goats and placed them in the vestry.  Sheriff Buford wrote them up for goat rustling, but the local D.A. failed to bring them before the Grand Jury because "this type of true bill would cast our county in a bad light."  He used a similar line of reasoning when our two local miscreants modified the church sign into some suggestive message before the Sunday worship service.  Some members took it as a divine reminder to "go forth and multiply" and went back to bed. 

A dangerous thing to hear from dirt road sports is, "Look at this, Vern," or "What would happen if we put bottle rockets in the dumpster" or some other possibility.

One time Bubba and Billy Bob got dates with strippers; and the four of them passed an agreeable evening drinking moonshine and grapefruit salty dogs while under the town bandstand before the Fourth of July Parade.  They got totally hammered and all were totally out!  They were awoken by fireworks and the martial music of John Philip Sousa, and felt that someone was shooting at them.  During Stars and Stripes Forever, two half-clad good ole boys and two nekkid* strippers burst out like Whack-a-Mole figures shooting into the air!  Needless to say, this was the Fourth of July that no one forgot, even though the county weekly primly avoided any scandalous news that, if aired, would upset the Chamber of Commerce. 

Once they showed some long-range planning.  They seeded the football field of a rival to the high school they attended with grass seed in the form of their former school's initials.  They were careful to use seed that resulted in grass that had a different shade of green so it slightly showed. 

What do the neighboring folk think about these dirt road sports like Bubba and Billy Bob, as well as Cletus and Festus and Jim-Bob?  Well, it varies.  If they are directly affected, they are absolutely fed up with those no-good riff-raff hooligans.  Most of the time, though, their feeling is that they're just good old boys meaning no harm.  The fact is, Scroungeout can be a rather dull place; but Bubba and Billy Bob have boffo entertainment value!

*Lewis Grizzard is credited for the definitive distinction between nude and nekkid:  To be nude is to be unclothed; to be nekkid is to be unclothed and up to something!

Tee Boudreaux and the Outhouse

Early one morning, Tee Boudreaux was walking along the bank of Bayou Que de Tortue behind his house. All of a sudden, he noticed that the family outhouse, located right on the bank, was tilting dangerously toward the bayou; the heavy downpour from the previous night had serious eroded the bank where the outhouse was located.

Being a boy (and a pretty canaille one at that) and reasoning that the outhouse was beyond salvage, Tee Boudreaux picked up a big stick and whacked the outhouse - really peléed it - and watched as the outhouse toppled over, fell into the bayou, and quickly sank under the muddy waters.

A few hours later, Papa Boudreaux came up to him and with anger in his voice asked, "Tee Boudreaux, did you knock that outhouse into the bayou?"

"Papa," the boy answered, "like George Washington, I cannot tell a lie. I did it."

"Mais, Tee Boudreaux, come with me maintenant to the woodshed. You are going to get the whipping of your life!"

Tee Boudreaux was shocked by this turn of events and said, "Papa, when George Washington told his papa that he had chopped down the cherry tree, his papa didn't give him a whipping."

"Mais no, Tee Boudreaux," said his father, "but George Washington's papa wasn't in that cherry tree when he cut it down, either."

Odd Stuff

I.  According to the Sun, While Sports Illustrated was photographing topless pictures of Kate Upton for the annual swimsuit issue, she almost developed frostbite on her boobs.  Considering that the temperature was -20 F, maybe a bikini top and buttoning the coat would have been in order!   Sometimes, art requires sacrifices; Perhaps Kate, having come from Michigan, was used to that kind of cold.  In more Kate news, a rumor has her working to recruit athletic prospects for the Nebraska Cornhuskers, meeting one-on-one with prospective recruits.


II.  Japanese pop singer Minami Minegishi was caught sleeping with her boyfriend, or even having one; this prompted her to shave her hair and abjectly apologize to her fans for "being a slut."  This made me very sad.  Whatever people or social pressures that prompted her to do that was most cruel.  Why should a girl have to apologize for having a boyfriend?  Instead, people should be happy for her.

http://newmediarockstars.com/2013/02/japanese-singer-shaves-head-apologizes-on-youtube-for-being-a-slut-video/



Minemi Misegishi




III.  Earlier this week, Pope Benedict XVI announced that he will retire on February 28th.  In all likelihood, the next Pope will be elected by Easter.  There's a trio of legends to bring up, each nonsensical:

1)   Pope Joan -- Supposedly they unknowingly elected a woman Pope, Pope Joan.  When she gave birth on the street, they stoned her to death.

2)  The sedes stercoraria -- This is a chair in which the Pope-to-be sits, and the cardinals manually, shall we say, check out his equipment to ensure that he is male.  Talk about awkward for all parties, if this had been true! 

3)  The Prophecy of the Popes -- This prophecy predicts that the Pope following Benedict XVI (current Pope Benny) will be Peter the Roman (Peter II), and his papacy will end with the destruction of the city of Rome.  Gee, maybe there's something to this; after all, Silvio Berlusconi is back leading the Italian government!  So get your tickets as the Forum, the Trevi Fountain, and the Pantheon are not going to be around very long.


IV.  If you travel a lot with your spouse or lover, you tend to be closer to that person and enjoy better sex.  This could be due to the pair getting closer through coping with new conditions together, or simply being more flexible to begin with. 


V.  "Ye Olde Gift Shoppe" is a fake Medievalism.  No one said "Ye" during that time; "ye" was a print substitution for the Old English letter thorne which has a "th" sound.

Thorn looks like this: Þ or þ

Here it is in large size: 

 

 

 

Thorn or þorn (Þ, þ)

 

 

VI.   I found a site that describes an obscure U.S. military base in Greenland during World War II. It was called Bluie West One, and it was located on a glacial moraine. Apparently, it was a place where short-range planes could land and refuel with crossing the Atlantic.  It looks from 

this article to be a cold, distant place.  It must have been awful to be assigned there.

 

 There's also a rumor about a very large military hospital located there so as not to dampen public morale.  According to some questionable sources,  it was totally secret and had about 5000 beds.  No official source describes it; it did appear in a Lonely Planet guide for Greenland and in some odd travel books.  Definitely material for conspiracy theorists by going to this site: 

 

http://www.warbirdforum.com/hospital.htm

 

or this one:

 

http://www.lonelyplanet.com/shop_pickandmix/previews/south-greenland-preview.pdf  

 

 

VII.  Apparently, some hip companies have been giving humorous job titles to appeal to the sense of irony of members of Generation Y, my group that is alternatively fawned over and regarded as spoiled, depending on the way the wind blows.  Some examples might include Director of First Impressions, Ambassador of Buzz, Consultant of Pleasure, Grand Poo-Bah, and others.  See this article.  I will offer a reservation about these: Should you change jobs, and apply to a more conservative company, this cutesy job title may handicap you.  For example, if I listed my position as Überbabe of Psychology (even if that was my real title!), I can pretty well write off being hired someday as a Dean of Arts and Sciences.

 

 

VIII.  Guppies hang out with unattractive companions to increase their own sex appeal, according to this article.  As the researcher put it, "As a researcher I cannot compare human mating systems with the guppy's one," she said. "But if you ask me as a person, sure ... I saw this tactic working pretty well with humans.  She obviously attended an American high school.

 

http://www.abc27.com/story/21143574/guppies-use-ugly-friends-to-seem-more-attractive  

 

 



True Love

For Valentine's Day, I give you a romantic cartoon.  Men and women are built differently, physically and psychologically.  There's evolution and culture behind this.  However, each year on Valentine's Day couples mark this occasion with romantic gestures.  Sometimes the perceptions as to what constitutes a romantic gesture may be different, but accept a romantic gesture for what it is: an attempt to reach out with love.

 

Olivier charms Colombe with a perfect rose.

 

 

I don't think that we should censure guys for being romantic in the way they might happen to be.  It is due to the way they we have evolved over numerous millenia.  And the romantic and the physical are not that far apart sometimes.

 

 

Finally, a Valentine for my on-line friends.  Thank you for being yourself, and checking into my blog.  I hope your Valentine's Day is a joyous one.  Love is beautiful.  What the world needs more of love is love, sweet love.  It's not in a superabundant supply.

 

Angel

 

 

 

The Prophetess and Mardi Gras

In one of her unguarded moments, Madeline the Prophetess confessed to Crazy Chester, her handicapper, that being a prophetess was hard work and often discouraging, with the lack of appreciation on the part of the clergy.  Chester, in his role as a freelance counselor to the New Orleans street eccentrics, inquired of her further: just when did these feeling start, and what might be related to it?  (Chester took a internet course in Creative Counseling from one of those fine on-line diploma mills.) 

Madeline finally admitted that she felt out of place with the Mardi Gras season going on.  People did not need much services of a traiteur; and their need for prophecy services could wait until Lent.  In a word, Madeline was bored!

Chester said, "Dawlin', you need a break.  Nobody in New Orleans pays religion much attention now; get with the party, have a Hurricane or two, and earn some beads by flashing your pretties!  Maybe you can surprise Officer O'Shaughnessy while he's patrolling on Bourbon Street."

Madeline was not sure about this advice, so she asked a hypothetical question to her spiritual advisor de jour, a Jesuit selected because they're rumored to be easier than some of the other religious orders locally.  Father Devereaux, the priest in question, qualified his answer by saying that flashing her breasts was, indeed, a sin; but since the sinner was modestly endowed, it was only a venial sin at best!*

This  strangely gave Madeline courage, and she planned a mild version: she would wear a costume featuring an elaborate headdress and brunette wig,  a gayly-fringed bottom, and a jeweled metal bra as a costume.  After all, it was Mardi Gras, so laissez les bon temps rouler! 

Of course, she had a Hurricane, which is de rigeur for Mardi Gras!  If you do one, and make it last for several hours, you will not be doing a headache penance for it on Ash Wednesday!

I will say that Officer Pete O'Shaughnessy was agreeably surprised at seeing Madeline on Bourbon Street, especially with her festive costume and her collection of Mardi Gras beads.  She gave Pete some; he looked positively festive in his police uniform with the beads!**  The Sergeant at the First District station did not fuss; it was enough that a cop finished the long Mardi Gras shift without bailing out and taking up policing in some non-stress locale like Baltimore.

The next day she also gave Father Devereaux some.  He smiled.  He had the spirit of Mardi Gras too.


*This may not be the official party line  of the Vatican, I guess.  Father D., a native of New Orleans, knew enough of the place to go easy on his penances.  Orleanians can stand for only so much in the way of religious austerity.  And it's true: Catholic New Orleanians priest-shop to find more tolerant ones.

**A common uniform variance in the Eighth Police District (the French Quarter).

Laissez les bon temps rouler!