The Trojan Bunny

Most people have not read either the Iliad or the Odessey, which is unfortunate.  However, Hollywood can fill in the gap well.

Navel Flaunting

Summertime is that wonderful, restful time of the year.  It's also the time of year when bare midriffs are practical in the Deep South.  Navel flaunting is truly our summer sport down here!

Love Amid the Rioting

There was a riot in Vancouver after the Vancouver Canucks lost the final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs to the Boston Bruins.  While we can deplore the behavior of the disappointed Canuck fans who rioted, it's somehow understandable as due to their disappointment.

However, this young couple seems distracted from the task of rioting.  And this raises some questions:

1)  Was she hurt, and he is offering some help; or is this a moment of passion?  I think it was the latter.

2)  What prompted this private moment to become public?  Did he propose marriage, was it on a bet, or does losing hockey matches or rioting somehow inspire Canadians to l'amour?

Ovid suggested in his Ars Amatoria that arousing a women through the spectacle of watching gladiator games or other sports could later on be translated into her being more receptive for love-making.  Maybe he was right: the excitement of a riot can be translated into sexual arousal.

Anyway, I hope the couple was not abashed the next day because of their occasion being public!

Yvette the Stripping Mortician

Yvette was despondent. She spent a lot of time and money being trained for a career in mortuary science, but she gradually learned that the recession and greater longevity of possible clients resulted in fewer opportunities to realize her cherished ambition.

 However, Yvette was certainly flexible, both physically and psychologically. She soon concluded that she needed a change in career plans. Maybe do something that would be both lucrative and creative. Performance art? The dance? Acting?

Then it dawned upon her. Strippers make a lot of money. And Yvette had (she thought) a spectacular figure and faming red hair! That would make her see-worthy as a stripper.

But successful strippers don't merely disrobe; they must have a gimmick. That was known as far back in time as the days of Gypsy Rose Lee. It would have to be a novel one, too.

So the thought. She had studied mortuary science at the Southern Mississippi School for Mortuary Science.  While she was there, she took some courses in Ecdysiast Arts; so she decided to be Yvette the Stripping Mortician!

She developed a death-themed routine, starting off dressed in a clinical white lab coat, and gradually removing successive garments until she was down to some steel panties and a provocative halter.  Because she was a good Catholic girl from Metarie, and because she was a trained professional in mortuary science, she refused to go topless and kept an element of class in her act.  The music she selected for her performances included Requiems, Bach's Toccata, and climaxed with Dies Irae!  For some unknown reason, she adopted an assault rifle as a prop.

Way to go, Yvette!

A New Role for Justin Timberlake

Weinergate and Etiquette

The recent Congressional scandal which, I'm sure, will be summarized as Weinergate has been explored ad nauseam by our mational media; especially because politics is part of the story. Yes, that's a full-fledged criterion for becoming infamous.

However, one aspect that has not yet been explored is whether this raises some collateral etiquette issues.

For example, suppose a political gentleman were to send you a picture of his short-wearing crotch region, what should be your response? Patience Prudebottom, the Madam of Manners to The Chronicle, gives her advice:

Dear Patience:

My Congressperson sent me a picture via Twitter of his crotch region. He was wearing nice shorts, and there was an obvious suggestion of his marital equipment in the photograph. What is the polite response to such a gift?

Dear Gentle Reader:

I can understand your dilemma. This is not something that was covered in previous works of etiquette. However, the donee in any gift-presenting situation should be properly charming and grateful. The nature of the gift is problematic; however, a polite person should react to it in a way that leaves the donor feeling good about himself, considering that the ultimate end of etiquette is to be kind to another.
In my opinion, at a bare minimum, the receiver of the picture should pen a "thank you" note. Possibly a "thank you" twitter to Congressman Sausage might suffice; but proper Bostonians still deem a hand-written note written in either blue or black ink on good stationary to be the most correct response. A sensitive person should express her pleasure, comment that he looked so manly, and that she would treasure it forever. A discreet writer would make only a general allusion in order to appear ladylike.

Although the medium of communication might be unorthodox, it still pays to follow the normative rules of politeness.  After all, he might be from another land, and is following a prescribed rite of courtship among his people.

You might further express your appreciation by baking him some cookies.  Who knows?  He may give you a ride in the Weinermobile someday.

Madam Patience

Burying Saint Joseph

As a lite Catholic, I enjoy some of the mysteries and rituals of the Church, despite its seriously crappy record lately in dealing with institutional problems, especially the lack of dealing with priestly pedophiles or the harsh treatment in orphanages in Ireland.  We do learn at an early age to love Catholicism; but have some problems with the insitutional church.  In that way it's analogous to the love-hate relationship that conservative and liberterian Americans have with their government: they love their country, but wish their government to be on a shorter leash!


Anyway, this observation aside, let me tell the story.


Catholicism definitely has some folk aspects to it, like the cult of the relics of the Medieval Age and the local veneration of St. Expeditus.  This can be quite discordant with the Rationalistic and Scientific traditions, and sometimes vexes people.

An occasion of this type came in the form of my sister-in-law's fervor to sell her house.  Since the housing market was "soft," she tried inducements to help make a sale.  Finally, she came home with a foot-tall statue of St. Joseph, explaining that she heard that burying St. Joseph upside-down in your front yard would help you sell your house. 

I indicated that doing that was superstitious; and it might actually incur the wrath of The Patient Saint.  I make it a iron-clad rule never to piss off guys wearing halos.

She asked me for assistance nevertheless, but I pleaded the vapors.  (Woman problems can be a convenient excuse to get out of work; they're seldom challenged.)  Her husband claimed back problems, and so she turned to my guileless other brother, who was not so religious but also not as quick with excuses.

I heard him exclaiming, "This is absurd!  I'm not superstitious; why am I doing this?  I'm a Cartesian.  What will the neighbors think?"

My sister-in-law and brother sold their house.

William of Ockham is working overtime to explain this.