Coffee Enemas

As a former barista, I remain interested in matters coffee. And, Lord knows, I like the stuff. With chicory or the weak stuff. Espresso, flavored coffees (vanilla or hazelnut particularly), and even decaf!

But I must say that new development has crept unto the scene: the coffee enema! No, this not some excess dreamt up by some wayward University of Tennessee frat boys; this is serious! As a matter of fact, that well-known health expert Gwyneth Paltrow  promoted a $135 set to enable people to detox by giving themselves coffee enemas.

Whoa! What sort of job reclassification might be called for now? The incipient barista has, among other things, to learn the terminology: Americano, Cappuccino, Macchiato, Latté, Frappé, Mocha, and so forth. The making of the coffee drink is relatively straightforward; and delivering it with a smile is a matter of good customer relations.

However, the prospect of seeing a row of bare fannies, whether bare or hirsute, would be tough thing to steel oneself for early in the morning. And, would customers be specific in their requests for their coffee enemas?

"I'll have a mocha enema today; and my partner will have his usual Americano."

"Decaf macchatio, with chicory."

And, importantly, would baristas now have to be licensed, much like chiropractics  or naturopaths?