Thursday, November 10, 2016

Hissy Fit-Throwing as a Life Skill

Some colleges offer continuing education classes so that people can bolster professional standings and continue license eligibility. Others are offered to the lay public for diversion, to help with hobbies or to deal with daily problems, and (finally) to make more money to support administrators' salaries and athletic programs. Seriously, that's a hidden reason.

So, in addition to learning programming, performing arcane medical tests, creative accounting, public speaking, and the like there are courses in Elementary Massage, Stripping for Your Boyfriend, Basic Gardening, and the like. Oh yes, Photography and Calligraphy are common offerings in Continuing Education catalogue too.

One reason people have for taking these courses, in addition to professional certification, curiosity, and self-improvement is to use them as a vehicle for meeting other people.

But we should never underestimate the self-improvement aspect.

Recently, Coastal Georgia Community College included a course in Basic Hissy Fit Throwing among its offerings. This is logical, since Georgia girls are better as hissy fit-throwing than those from anywhere else.

Now any Southern girl knows that the best way to get your way, relieve tension, or to provide an excuse for make-up sex is to throw a hissy fit. Girls who were born in the Northeast don't instinctively have this useful manipulative skill: too bad! It's a fault of their educational background. However, Coastal Georgia Community College saw a need and possible interest in acquiring this skills. Besides, some of those Yankee girls recognize how empowering throwing a hissy fit has! Still, a poorly-executed hissy fit is less effective than none at all. After all, one should intimidate through one, not cause unbridled mirth!

What sort of skills? Such life skills as pouting, swearing with mild oaths, yelling, caterwhaling, foot-stomping, and even object-tossing. Generally, tossing some types of objects works better than others. It's better to throw crockery than pillows. Especially souvenir pillows commemerating that dirty weekend in Fort Walton Beach!

Think Brenda Jo on The Closer. You know darn well that she could use her charms and hissy fits to get her way, especially with Fritz or Chief Pope. Poor guys; bless their hearts.

Throwing a hissy fit is a skill acquired in late childhood or early adolescence. It is acquired and honed through practice, as research at the University of East Alabama has demonstrated. Further research indicated that later-acquirers of hissy fit throwing can, with extended effort, acquire sufficient hissy fit skills to deal effectively with most situations. It's good to have the nuclear option handy, if needed.

Georgia Coastal Community College was rewarded for its initiative by having maximum enrollment in its initial offering largely because of "-Rhoid Ladies.*"; and they offered two sections for the future. Furthermore, they planned to offer their unique class in three locations in the Northeast (Boston, New York, and New Haven) for enterprising Northeastern ladies who wish to expand their business and interpersonal skill base.

And at a cost a mere fraction of the cost of belonging to s top-notch sorority while going to a university.


*So-called because when they come down, and stay down, and complain about things, they can plumb be a pain in the ass.

8 comments:

bakku-shan said...

But do hissy fits work? Offensive jibe at Yaknees.

Mike said...

Maybe I'll just edit the stripping class.

John Hill said...

Yeah, I was wondering if the stripping for boyfriends class needs volunteers to critique the students as they practice their lessons.

I'm also wondering what grade Angel would get in the hissy fit throwing class.

And perhaps there needs to be a counter class for guys -- How not to be swayed by a high class hissy fit!

Grand Crapaud said...

The hissy fit is the ultimate nuclear option.

Big Sky Heidi said...

So what are Yaknees?

TexWisGirl said...

as a northern-midwesterner, can't say i have thrown many hissy-fits, and certainly none effectively. :)

Mike said...

Heidi - Yaknees are the typo people that live waaay north.

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