Wednesday, November 23, 2016

A Musical Interlude at the Roller Skating Rink

Well, Smiling Tom was an employee at an indoor skating rink. You know, one of those places where you can rent roller skates and race or awkwardly try to stand up on the roller rink while others skate. (I mean, Angel had many a fall and sore butts, to make a frank confession.) Anyway, Smiling Tom, the usually affable disc jockey, decided that the crowd was too rowdy and uncooperative, so he decided to take a coffee break. But he did it in a most petulant way. He repeatedly played a selected music offering not normally used in skating rinks: "My Humps" by the Black-Eyed Peas.

And he used earplugs to at least attenuate what he heard. The largely junior high crowd got the song out loud.

Now the first time the kids heard the song they laughed. In part because it was a risqué song not usually heard in skating rinks:

What you gon' do with all that junk?

All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out) 

It was at first a real hoot.

But it got played again. And again. And again. The novelty began to wear off.

There were two parties of kids in the glassed-in party rooms, together with the mom of the honoree and some friends. The moms were not amused at all. "Clearly, the manager should have a word with the disc jockey," one said.

Those kids, bless their hearts, enjoyed the discomfort of the moms.

Still more "My Humps." Fergie's backside was honored quite enough, thank you. The kids, as well as the parents, got tired enough of it.

Finally,  Smiling Tom came back, and played a more varied list of songs to skate to; at the least the ones that didn't decamp.

The manager came in later to a big helping of grief from the mamas and the girls from the roller skate rental counter. He lost his cool; and fired Smiling Tom. Tom had overplayed his hand; but that can happen when you work at a roller skating rink.

So the manager hired Barbara. If the kids were rowdy, she would just play Christian music. As she put it tactfully, "That's quiet the little bastards down!"


John Hill said...

I have to confess that it has been quite sometime since I've been to a roller rink and a couple of years since ice skating. I was never very proficient at either but managed not to fall too often, but definitely enough to remain humble.

I don't ever recall skating to junk in the trunk.

Mike said...

Never heard the song before. Watched the video. I think Fergie could load a little more junk in that trunk.

Chuck Bear said...

That was a terrible song to inflict on kids.

Arlee Bird said...

I haven't been to a skating rink in years. Last skating rink music I remember hearing was played on a "mighty Wurlitzer organ"--no DJ's back then. The fanciest lighting effect was a mirror ball that was used minimally.

Arlee Bird
Tossing It Out

John Holton said...

"That'll quiet the little bastards down." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Gorilla Bananas said...

I can't judge it until I've heard the tune. I would have played 'Brand New Key' by Melanie.

Bilbo said...

What John Holton said!

Deena said...

A great story.

Cloudia said...

I miss Tom's smile already!