The Acanthonus Armata Antidefamation Society (AAAS) has recently become the latest darling among the causes favored by celebrities.
After all, there is the empathy factor among the trendy progressives on the Left Coast seeking to affiliate with a new, sexy cause. And what better than to support the well-being of a fish that was not overly endowed with good looks? Well, the two West Coast Solutions, silicone and botox, would not suffice for this wretched fish; but, to make things worse, it was given an unfortunate and politically incorrect moniker: the bony-eared assfish! To compound the problem, it also has the smallest brain-to-body ratio among the vertebrates! The facile implication, is not only is it ugly, but also stupid! Oops! Possibly intellectually disabled.
Now it could be worse; it could be the bony-headed asswipe! Where was the sensitivity of its namer, ichthyologist Albert Günther when it came to naming this beaut back in 1878? Or was sensitivity invented in the 1990's, if I might butt in with a wild surmise? At least it wasn't discovered by an Englishman, who might have named it the bony-eared arsefish!
The cause of re-naming this unfortunate fish should be first taken up by Kim Kardashian, who has knowledge of matters of the derrière and her spouse. Jennifer Lopez could work behind the scenes to support this cause. The two major Presidential hopefuls should also sign on to this cause, as should Congress and many of the East Coast journalists, if I may be utterly cheeky about this.
So there you have it. Ichthyologists need to get off their duffs and come up with a new name for Acanthonus that would be sensitive to the fish, broad-beamed Americans, and most college administrators.
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