Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Dealing with a C. T. S.

Being in the dead of winter in the Appalachians, I have concluded that Northerners must be made of sterner stuff, at least butt-wise.

I'm talking about that universal fact of life faced by cold climate dwellers: sitting on a cold toilet seat (C. T. S.) in the dead of night. At least guys have only the number #2 occasions to worry about. We ladies get it both ways! It ain't fair, y'know.

Why a C. T. S.? It all comes down to thermodynamics: the transfer of cold  from a colder object to one that is warmer. Entropy, my Dear Watson. Some materials transfer this type of cold more effectively than others. Basically, there are three kinds of toilet seats: vinyl plastic ones, wooden ones, and padded ones. The vinyl ones transfer heat more effectively to its colder surface than the wooden ones. The padded ones transfer the least amount of heat.

Therefore, your warmer surface (your behind) loses the least amount of heat on a padded one; while if it's on a plastic one, it loses its heat most efficiently.

An awkward, self-serving solution is to stay in bed until your husband or lover goes first; then get up while the seat is sort of warmish. And encourage him to have a seated #1.

But the best solution is to go with a soft padded one. It has the advantage in that it is also more comfortable. This is a boon especially for people who have a magazine rack in the bathroom! For the changes of the season, a fussy person might replace the padded one with a wooden or plastic one for the later spring, summer, and some of the fall.

Here's also another tip: If you have a plastic horseshoe-type (open front)  toilet seat, and want to pad it, try this tip from Buzzfeed:

You may have to knit a cover for your doughnut-type  (closed front) toilet seat; and that would be a killer conversation piece if you do your knitting while flying or during a meeting! Who knows, there may be how-to-do-it instructions somewhere!


Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

I feel your pain.

TexWisGirl said...


Linda Kay said...

The seat and the floor, as I recall. I like the idea of the socks on the seat. How ingenious!

Chuck Bear said...

Maybe a nice butt massage would help things?

allenwoodhaven said...

I sit in the middle of the night just so I don't have to wake up completely. It's a lot easier that way!

Interesting post. I hadn't considered the ramifications. I can see it being tough if you're not a northerner.

The sock idea is very creative. Kudos to the inventor!

Mike said...

I see an opportunity for an invention. An electric toilet seat. With a remote. Turn it on as you get up. All heated by the time you get there.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Thanks for the comments, folks!

Mike, that would have a market!

Allenwoodhaven, that's a handy solution to a late night problem.

Cloudia said...

good idea!

If only you turned your penetrating genius to good!

John Hill said...

Cute post, Angel.
Thanks for the morning grin.

Dixie@dcrelief said...

Gosh, such a great idea... you've got me thinking as how to make mine warmer. Ha!

Bilbo said...

If you don't have practical ... uh ... hands-on experience of an outhouse in winter, you don't know anything about a CTS!