Monday, October 27, 2014

More Medical Slang, N - Z

Here's some more medical slang.  Often dark humor is the product of being in an occupation with serious possibilities.

n=1 trial - polite term for experimenting on a patient
NAD - Not actually done
Nectar of the Gods - coffee; without which many hospital services would shut down
Negative Wallet Biopsy - (US) patient transferred to cheaper hospital because s/he has no insurance/funds
NPS - New parent syndrome

Osteocephaly - boneheaded
Ostrich Treatment - pretend it's not there and hope it goes away
Pan-man Scan - Whole body scan (e.g. after car crash)
PFH - Parent(s) from Hell (custodians of BFH - Brat From Hell)
PFO - Pissed [Drunk] and Fell Over

Pharmaceutically Enhanced Personality - stoned or medicated
Pharmaceutically Gifted - admissions with altered mental states as a result of drug use
PHALS - Post-Harmless Accident Lawsuit Syndrome
Pinky Cheater - Latex finger cover used in gynecological and proctological examinations.
Pit - the emergency room

PITA - Pain in the ass
Positive Gobbler - turkey i.e. faking illness to get out of drill (used by army medics)
Positive Hilton Sign - demanding patient expects Hilton Hotel luxury; indicates patient well enough to leave!
Positive Suitcase Sign - patients who are repeated admissions for prolonged periods with no physiological cause of their problems. They turn up at hospital with packed suitcases ready for admission
Pumpkin Positive - a penlight shone into the patient's mouth/ear would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up

Retrospectoscope - instrument of hindsight
Rheumaholiday - rheumatology (considered by hard-pressed juniors to be a less busy dept)
Ringo – (after Beatles drummer Ringo Starr) an expendable team member
Roasted Goober - tumor after intensive cobalt treatment.
Rooters - indigents and hangers-on who gather in big-city emergency rooms in order to be entertained by legitimate cases.

Rule of Five - if more than five of the patient's orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance
Running Towards the Light - dying
Silver Bracelet Award - patient is a prisoner brought in wearing cuffs
Silver Goose, Silver Stallion - proctoscope
Smurf sign - Patient turning blue
Space cadet - confused patient (dementia or drug-related)

Stream team - urology department
Taxidermy Consult - call for a taxidermist's consultation i.e. person about to die 
TBD - total body dolor i.e. complains of pain everywhere
TBP - Total body pain
TDS - Terminal deceleration syndrome (e.g. RTA death, high-rise syndrome, jump-suicides and parachute-failed-to-open)

TEC - Transfer to Eternal Care (i.e. dead)
TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy
The Garden - neurological ICU where the vegetables (coma patients) live
The Promised Land - private practice/final year of medical school
Therapeutic Monitoring - monitoring a patient purely because it makes the doctor feel better.

Thorazine shuffle - the slow, lumbering gait of psychiatric patients dosed up on phenothiazines
Two beers - the number of beers every patient involved in an alcohol-related automobile accident claims to have drunk before the accident
Two Dudes - a patient who was in a fight "Two dudes jumped me for no reason" (implying the patient would have a reason with one assailant)
Vitamin M – Morphine
Vitamin P - Lasix (diuretic) given to stimulate urination (peeing) in post-operative patients; can also mean Prozac

Vitamin V - Valium, Diazepam or any intravenous sedative
Vitamin Z – Zoloft

UNIVAC - Unusually Nasty Infection, Vultures are Circling
UPF - Un-Passed Fart (gaseous distended abdomen)
Urban Outdoorsman - Homeless person

WWI - Walking while intoxicated (and fell over)
Wrinkly - geriatric

YAVIS - Young, attractive, verbal, intelligent, successful. 
YOYO - You're on your own; see "amyoyo" and "solomf yoyo" (also message passed from one doctor to another regarding problem/mystifying cases)
Zebra - an unusually strange or unexpected disease (from the saying "When you hear hoofbeats, the smart money is on horses, not zebras")



Meredith said...

The first cartoon applies to mothers of teens!

Big Sky Heidi said...

Stream team is really funny!

Linda Kay said...

Where to start...all made me chuckle. NWB, Pinky Cheater, and Pumpkin Positive were my favorites.

TexWisGirl said...

some were humorous. some were tough to take. i liked 'positive hilton'

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

A lot of medical slang involves gallows humor.

MarkD60 said...

Rule Of Fives, How many does the body have?

Mike said...

I hope there's not a test on all of these tomorrow.

Cloudia said...

*Snicker* *Shudder*

ALOHA from Honolulu
=^..^= . <3 . >< } } (°>

eViL pOp TaRt said...

TexWisGirl, Cloudia, medical slang has its morbid side.

Mike, no test.

Mark, usually five.

Anonymous said...

love them - they would keep some harmless humour in your day - which we all need.

Bilbo said...

I am definitely adding "osteoencephaly" to my office vocabulary!

Jen said...

I think my favorite was "TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy". Hey, sometimes it works, especially for certain chronic female problems...