More Medical Slang, N - Z

Here's some more medical slang.  Often dark humor is the product of being in an occupation with serious possibilities.

n=1 trial - polite term for experimenting on a patient
NAD - Not actually done
Nectar of the Gods - coffee; without which many hospital services would shut down
Negative Wallet Biopsy - (US) patient transferred to cheaper hospital because s/he has no insurance/funds
NPS - New parent syndrome


Osteocephaly - boneheaded
Ostrich Treatment - pretend it's not there and hope it goes away
Pan-man Scan - Whole body scan (e.g. after car crash)
PFH - Parent(s) from Hell (custodians of BFH - Brat From Hell)
PFO - Pissed [Drunk] and Fell Over

Pharmaceutically Enhanced Personality - stoned or medicated
Pharmaceutically Gifted - admissions with altered mental states as a result of drug use
PHALS - Post-Harmless Accident Lawsuit Syndrome
Pinky Cheater - Latex finger cover used in gynecological and proctological examinations.
Pit - the emergency room

PITA - Pain in the ass
Positive Gobbler - turkey i.e. faking illness to get out of drill (used by army medics)
Positive Hilton Sign - demanding patient expects Hilton Hotel luxury; indicates patient well enough to leave!
Positive Suitcase Sign - patients who are repeated admissions for prolonged periods with no physiological cause of their problems. They turn up at hospital with packed suitcases ready for admission
Pumpkin Positive - a penlight shone into the patient's mouth/ear would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up

Retrospectoscope - instrument of hindsight
Rheumaholiday - rheumatology (considered by hard-pressed juniors to be a less busy dept)
Ringo – (after Beatles drummer Ringo Starr) an expendable team member
Roasted Goober - tumor after intensive cobalt treatment.
Rooters - indigents and hangers-on who gather in big-city emergency rooms in order to be entertained by legitimate cases.

Rule of Five - if more than five of the patient's orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance
Running Towards the Light - dying
Silver Bracelet Award - patient is a prisoner brought in wearing cuffs
Silver Goose, Silver Stallion - proctoscope
Smurf sign - Patient turning blue
Space cadet - confused patient (dementia or drug-related)

Stream team - urology department
Taxidermy Consult - call for a taxidermist's consultation i.e. person about to die 
TBD - total body dolor i.e. complains of pain everywhere
TBP - Total body pain
TDS - Terminal deceleration syndrome (e.g. RTA death, high-rise syndrome, jump-suicides and parachute-failed-to-open)

TEC - Transfer to Eternal Care (i.e. dead)
TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy
The Garden - neurological ICU where the vegetables (coma patients) live
The Promised Land - private practice/final year of medical school
Therapeutic Monitoring - monitoring a patient purely because it makes the doctor feel better.
 
Thorazine shuffle - the slow, lumbering gait of psychiatric patients dosed up on phenothiazines
Two beers - the number of beers every patient involved in an alcohol-related automobile accident claims to have drunk before the accident
Two Dudes - a patient who was in a fight "Two dudes jumped me for no reason" (implying the patient would have a reason with one assailant)
Vitamin M – Morphine
Vitamin P - Lasix (diuretic) given to stimulate urination (peeing) in post-operative patients; can also mean Prozac
 
Vitamin V - Valium, Diazepam or any intravenous sedative
Vitamin Z – Zoloft
UNIVAC - Unusually Nasty Infection, Vultures are Circling
UPF - Un-Passed Fart (gaseous distended abdomen)
Urban Outdoorsman - Homeless person


WWI - Walking while intoxicated (and fell over)
Wrinkly - geriatric
YAVIS - Young, attractive, verbal, intelligent, successful. 
YOYO - You're on your own; see "amyoyo" and "solomf yoyo" (also message passed from one doctor to another regarding problem/mystifying cases)
Zebra - an unusually strange or unexpected disease (from the saying "When you hear hoofbeats, the smart money is on horses, not zebras")