She did see a sign at a "Gentleman's Club" at an exit from I-80 advertising for cowgirl strippers! Somehow, she wasn't open to the stage life, especially if it involved not wearing chaps and boots. Or maybe it had something to do with refinishing the tables? Oh well, not for her.
But in a coffee shop while she was having a cheap cup of joe, she saw a job advertisement for a sidekick in an indie movie set in Wyoming. So she applied, and met with some odd-looking fellas from Portland, of all places! They were real dudes who apparently got their garb from Cowboys R Us.
The Director fella commented to her that she looked like a real babe; and this would provide a new twist to the standard western buddy movie! How about a female side kick, preferably one who dressed sexily? They had a cowgirl outfit from Belle's Secret!....But, looks aside, they had some standards for a suitable sidekick; they had a checklist to assess Melinda's qualifications:
1. Does she talk sparingly; but when she does, does she provide some homespun philosophy? Check.
2. Could she ride a horse or bull? Check.
3. Can she spit a fine stream? Melinda worked at it, and got a passable one.
4. Does she chew? Well, Melinda was a bit weak on that; but she did so passably with bubble gum. Check.
5. Did she ever brand a cow? Well, Melinda owned up to it, but told the tenderfeet that they always used a local.
6. Can she sing and yodel? Well, Melinda was a bit short in this department. By now she thought that these movie guys were a tad behind the curve when it came to the concept of cowgirls. It didn't help when they speculated on how she would look in a Dallas Cheerleader outfit! Melinda was a Bronco fan, despite it being a Denver team.
The lead actor asked her if she would sleep two to a bed roll. She properly replied that she was not that kind of cowgirl who would do so on the first date.
Just then the actor kicked her in the thigh, and she fell down. Melinda exclaimed, "S***! What did you do that for, you cow [excrement] moron! Melinda usually spoke politely, but this was real provocation!
The actor dude said, "That was the final test to see if you qualified as a sidekick."
Melinda then decided that an actress career was not for her! These Portland dudes did not know which end of the horse was which; plus their movie was sounding pornish as it began to unfold. Too bad, she would have been more authentic than the standard female part in a western movie.