Thursday, September 26, 2013

Funny Names for Horses

You can name your horse anything you please; but if you want to race him as a thoroughbred, you must register the name with the Jockey Club, which sets certain limits of horse names:

1)  They can have no more than 18 characters.
2)  They must not be obscene.
3)  They must not be a living person's name, unless that person has given signed permission.
4)  They cannot advertise a product.
5)  They cannot end in 2nd, 3rd, etc.
6)  They cannot use abbreviations, and so forth.

Still, there's a wide range of horsy onomastics to consider.  Here are a few real horse names that managed to slip by or get approved by the Jockey Club:


Bad Cop No Donut


Beer Goggles

Butter Face

Stump Hole

Pants on Fire


Going Commando

Girls Got Skill

Papa's Got Gin

Reality Sets In

It's All Lies

Fusaichi Pegasus*


Indy Undies

Ross Is a Hoss


Resume Innocense

Barely Legal

Four Bucks N a Doe

No Speed No Feed

Going Commando

OK Topless

You've Been Served


We Both Walk

What a Bad Day



Will Run for Gin

My Office Wife

Luv Guv

Walk of Shame

Bodacious Tatas


War Admiral*


Cathouse Saint

Breeze the Weasel

The Wages of Sin

Junk in the Trunk

*Kentucky Derby Winner

There's a sense of wonderment that I have about these names: the cost of purchasing, training, and maintaining a thoroughbred horse is $$$; yet some owners come up with these terribly funny or even déclassé names.  It would seem to me that a committee of horse-minded tween girls could come up with better names. 

I can imagine some horseplayer going up to the pari-mutuel window and saying "Give me $20 on Walk of Shame."  Or, even better, the track announcer reporting, "And at the finish, it's Bodacious Tatas by a nipple!"


Brandi said...

Giving a horse one of those names labels the owner as a moron.

Duckbutt said...

The name 'Walk of Shame' suggests that the horse will be a slow one. Stupid name, unless the horse is intended for the glue factory.

Grand Crapaud said...

I wonder if any horse was named Place or Show?

TexWisGirl said...

my fave was nosupeforyou. :)

Mike said...

I'll take $20 on Junk in the Trunk.

MarkD60 said...

Very cool list of names, I didn't know there were specific rules.

Bilbo said...

Every year, the Washington Post "Style Invitational" column runs a contest in which they invite readers to take any two horses entered in the Triple Crown races (regardless of sex), mate them, and name the foal, using the Jockey Club guidelines you listed. It's hysterically funny every year. Here's the link to one example:

Big Sky Heidi said...

nosupefor you was my favorite too. Whose Bodacious Ta Tas were honored in that horse's name?

Anonymous said...

I wonder what the owner's wife or daughter felt about calling the horse Bodacious Ta Tas.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Bilbo, that site rocked with subtle horsy humor.

Nosupeforyou I liked too. Bodacious's owners must have an odd sense of humor.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

I always feel bad for the horses because of those awful names.

Cloudia said...

Funny and insightful!