Saturday, September 14, 2013

A Homeopathic Dose of Military Power

Recently, our esteemed Secretary of State John Kerry described possible bombing by the U.S. as an intervention in Syria as being an "unbelieveably small, limited kind of effort."  I must admit to skepticism here; but I'm skeptical about our possible intervention in Syria anyway and I'm no authority on things military.

This is a revolutionary new idea in the exercise of foreign policy by other means, probably not covered in Clauswitz or even the Occupy Wall Street playbook.

Could the Ketchup Man be on to something?  Maybe the principle of 'less in more' extends to other things, too.

It is a fact that the first kiss a guy gives a girl should be short and sweet, so that she is left with wanting more.

And photographers should focus on the main subject, and avoid having too many extraneous elements in the frame.

Burglars might try breaking into garages instead of houses, detached ones even better.  And English majors should dash off a short paper instead of the extended paper the instructor specified.  Actually, this principle does work with theses and dissertations.  One of the problems a graduate student has is to get her thesis committee to read her's.

Yes, it's a known fact that in order to get a graduate degree, a girl has to show her thesis to a committee.  But that committee will tend to be more prompt in reading one if it's only 60 or 70 pages, as opposed to a 350-page doorstop!  That's a psychology major knowing human nature!

Sometimes the attainment of the 'less in more' principle is ambiguous.  It it better to wear a more demure bikini or a string bikini?   [I exclude from consideration the vulgar microbikini as suitable only for a strip club.]

And what should we say about homeopathic beer?  Say no to Bud Lite?

Anyway, after digressing all over the place, it seems that John Kerry's concept has some properties in common with Samuel Hahnemann's theory of homeopathy: small quantities of substance that evokes mild symptoms of a disease in healthy people will cure similar symptoms in sick people.  Homeopathic remedies, strictly interpreted, are developed by repeatedly diluting the substance in question with distilled water of alcohol, often until there is none of the original molecules that caused the symptoms.

So how could this homeopathic use of military power be used?

1.  John Kerry himself could shake his finger at Assad for being a bad boy.

2.  Our ranking general could scowl at the misbehaving Syrians.

3.  Rush Limbaugh's flatulence could be unleashed for his strike potential; and be deployed to moon the Syrians?  Or would this be considered another Weapon of Mass destruction?  Would the use of Roseanne Barr be more in the order of "an unbelieveably small, limited kind of effort," or should we enlist someone with less a impressive butt?

4.  Elvis's suggestion could be implemented: send an old airplane to drop firecrackers on the misbehaving Syrians.  This would at least upset every dog in Damascus.

5.  The U.N. passing a resolution forbidding all of its members from playing Syria in the World Cup soccer.

6.  Finally, President Obama, having previously been professionally coached and having had practice, could use his "I'm not impressed" look:


Okay, guys: Who seems sexier to you: the quirky Zooey Deschsanel or the in-your-face Miley Cyrus?



The Mistress of the Dark said...

First I'm up long as we don't let him back in the country after he unleashed his noxious gas on the syrians. But Roseanne could sing to them....

If that doesn't work then 6...

Oh and Zooey is by far sexier than Miley ever will be.

Grand Crapaud said...

Seeing that shooting them the bird has long losts its sting, I'll go with the "I'm not impressed"scowl.

Big Sky Heidi said...

I wondered about that. In effect, it's a message that what we might do should not be taken seriously.

Zooey as far sexier than Miley.

Miley's 15 minutes are up, and then more.

TexWisGirl said...

not sure what to think about any of it.

Bilbo said...

Every parent knows that the worst way to deal with a misbehaving child is to make a threat you have no intention of carrying out. The threat train has sailed ... unleashing a noxious gasbag like Rush is probably now the worst we could do at this point. And Zooey Deschanel is so far beyond Miley Cyrus in the sexy department that it's laughable to even compare the two.

Mike said...

#5 is the only thing that would get the attention of both sides.

350 Pages isn't a thesis it's a data dump.

Zooey Deschsanel obviously.

Brandi said...

A girl has to show her thesis to a committee......does she do that in a strip club?

Zooey Deschanel!

Deena said...

Zooey is far more appealing than Miley. No contest.

Insane Penguin said...

Zooey all the way!

desertraider said...

The whole thing with the Syrian is difficult. But I think the situation will be cleared in some time. But since then I'm interested in the outcome of all of this.

Renegades said...

Mylie is just messed up and nasty. Tonight on Chelsey Lately they showed part of her new video and it's just straight up ick. Who wants to lick metal?

Hortense said...

Zooey is sexier and more fun.