Friday, June 28, 2013

The Dirt Road Sports Relocate

The Dirt Road Sports from Western Carolina, Bubba and Billy Bob, found their attempts at free enterprise to be hampered by a saturation of competition.  Specifically, the moonshine business and the spare auto parts businesses had too many competitors in the immediate area, and those weenies in Asheville developed a preference for Jack Daniel or single-malted scotch instead of God's pure white lightning!

Oh this was a sign of the times.  But they were not about to go the meth route.  That would be unchristian.

So, our two heroes decided to take their show on the road.  They packed their still equipment, their hunting gear, and their live-in girlfriends into pickups and hit the open road.  Before doing so, they employed the modal corporation relocation strategy: Billy Bob threw a dart at a map of the U.S. to choose where to go.

The first time, it fell on Cleveland.  But they discussed the matter through, and decided that The Mistake on the Lake was not where successful Tarheel capitalism could find its new roots.

So this time Bubba did the tossing, and the dart fell on Vermont.  Now the extent of their knowledge of the place amounted to maple syrup and Ben and Jerry's ice cream, so they saw no problems.

It was a hard journey, with misdirections into West Virginia and Ohio before they got on track in Pennsylvania.  That's what comes from buying an after-market GPS from a fence in Greensboro.

Finally, at long last, they arrived.  They bought a place in the woods not far from town  and set up their still.  No ATF agents in the near vicinity, they reckoned.  They were merrily cranking out white lightning in a pleasingly pure form and it began to catch on with the natives.

Who knew Yankees could have a taste for the pure stuff?  They felt like they were in clover, and their girlfriends were able to dress in as flashy a manner as they chose and they got new pickup trucks.

Bubba and Billy Bob diplomatically concealed the Rebel flag for a while; but as they consolidated they trotted it out, along with the Wolfpack stickers on their rides.

Of course, this spontaneous eruption of free enterprise in backwoodsy Vermont attracted attention, and it wasn't long before the local John Law came on the scene.  Poor Billy Bob and Bubba were caught in the act!  They were hauled in and charged.

Not with making illegal alcohol; but for manufacturing insect repellant without a license.  They didn't look too closely as to how their product was being used!

Anyway, after paying a small fine and obtaining a license they were back in business.  But they were a little insulted at their product being identified as mosquito repellant!  Still, as Billy Bob reflected, they didn't have any mosquito problems lately.


MarkD60 said...

Well dip me in dawg doo and roll me in butter! I ain't never heard of no one using moonshine as mosquito repellant. That's blasphemy!

TexWisGirl said...

i liked this. :)

Grand Crapaud said...

Great story of independent-spirited guys.

Kristen Drittsekkdatter said...

I liked this too.

Bilbo said...

Great story!

Insane Penguin said...

Neat story!