Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Learning How to Become a Cougar

A current buzzword, according to that cultural arbitrer, Time magazine, is cougar; an older woman who romances younger men.  This term may come or go, as is the case with other prominent buzzwords. That great consumer of buzzwords, the typical academic institution of any level, is sure to pick it up like fleas on an unwashed, roaming dog; therefore I was not at all surprised that most with-it and trendy agent of academe, the continuing education system, adopted it like a cute homeless kitten.

Now the metaphor of Woman as Kitten has been around for a long time with such concepts as "sex kitten," someone acting "kittenish," or even the term of endearment "Kitten." (Has anyone ever used the expression, "sex puppy" or "sex lamb"?)  Also, having full-fledged cat status ascribed to you is not a compliment. "Cougar" is a more recent offshoot of that same metaphor: a somewhat older, and equally predatory feline.   There's an insipid television comedy called Cougartown.

Anyway, I recently got one of those flyers through the mail in which the local community college which presented its recent offerings for enrichment of persons' lives. One entry stood out:

Introduction to Cougarhood (3 c.e.u.). This course is intended for thirtyish women and those in their later twenties to prepare for the challenges of being single, yet thirtyish. It is intended to address the psychological, sociocultural, and fashion challenges that confront today's still-young and adventuresome woman. This class will meet for six sessions between 6:00 and 8:00 P.M. on Tuesday and Thursday during the Second Interim Term. Additionally, there will be one field trip between 11:00 P.M. and 12:30 A.M. as the last session, followed by an hour-long discussion.

The following topics will be addressed in this course over the six (6) class sessions:

1. Stalking the wild young man

2. Tentative flirtation techniques

3. Advanced techniques of flirtation

4. Signaling through discreet lingerie tease

5. Hair-flipping, cherry stem-tieing, and other attention-attracting ploys

6. Exercise techniques for figure enhancement

7. Surgical figure-enhancement means

8. Scent analysis: why musk-based scents should be used and citrus scents are to be avoided

9. Make-up strategies

10. When should cosmetic surgery be considered?

11. Subtle seduction techniques

12. Introduction to lassoing men

13. Men to avoid.
14.  How to end the one night stand.

15. How to break up with men gracefully (hopefully)

Should I sign up in preparation for later years?  It doesn't sound like a continuing education class where you're likely to meet guys, which is the point of continuing education for most.


MarkD60 said...

When I was a kid, Guys tried to get sex, girls tried to keep guys from getting sex.
I wish I lived in these modern times where female teachers had sex with their students, and older women sought sex with younger guys...

John Hill said...

On the one hand, that picture should be warning enough.
On the other hand, it could be the beginning of a "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?" commercial!

TexWisGirl said...

girlie, if 30ish is cougar time, just wait until you're 50ish.

Mike said...

How old does a cougar have to be for a 60 something guy?

Grand Crapaud said...

Why couldn't there be cougars back when I was young and single?

eViL pOp TaRt said...

TexWisGirl -- I don't know when Cougar time begins. Con Ed classes do shoot for as broad an appeal as possible.

Mike -- You would be pleasantly surprised.

Crapaud -- I think there were, just not identified.

Mark -- Some got lucky in those days.

John Hill -- for the wise it would be.

Cloudia said...

what is a young vital woman in her 30s, or even late 20's who needs this class gonna do when 40, 50 show up? stalk younger men?

please! get real

ALOHA from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
~ > < } } ( ° > <3

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Cloudia, I tried this as a satire of continuing education offerings. I guess it was a bit heavy-handed.

Aloha from NC.

The Bastard King of England said...

Hell, no one needs classes to pick up horny guys.

Bilbo said...

So, riddle me this, Batman: what's the difference between a "cougar" who likes younger men and a "dirty old man" who likes younger women? Sooner or later, John and Mike and I will need to get this established so we don't get into too much trouble.