Thursday, June 20, 2013

Creative Hiring of CEOs and Other Riff-Raff

In the normal course of events, there is a disposition to hire people to perform in major decision-making roles from individuals who have shown some prowess in having done so in the past, especially if the jobs seem to be highly similar.  Obviously, the most conservative strategy for recruiting these titans of decision-making is to hire someone who has had notable success in the same field.  This is usually how universities work when it comes to hiring football coaches.   All in all, everyone is comfortable if the new coach has had a proven record of wins, conference championships, and recruiting potential star players!

The same goes with university presidents, although many are figureheads or socially-prominent people who can successfully raise money.  But, after all, successful panhandling is a talent in itself.  You don't hire a university president who goes, "Spare change for _________ University, do you?  Who knows, maybe that approach might work for institutions that have a countercultural ethos.

It's not entirely unheard of for an individual holding a CEO-level position or a senator to become a university president or vice-versa.  But what if there's extras available for the taking?

After World War II, the Army had more generals than it needed; and some generals like Dwight Eisenhower and Troy Middleton became university presidents; and one became a football coach for the University of Tennessee!  Now that was taking an educated risk!  Since some thoroughly modern major generals and higher ranks have gotten fired lately, they might be potential CEO material!  Usually, corporations are more forgiving of sins of the flesh than is the Army!

Likewise, some university presidents have made themselves available because of injudicious remarks.  One in particular successfully managed to annoy Catholics, the SEC, the University of Louisville, Boise State, and the Little Sisters of the Poor!  At least he probably does not have to worry about the nuns putting a contract on him!  Yes, his running off at the mouth cost him a early $2 million a year job, even though he wore bow ties!

So, you ladies and gentlemen with flag-rank military or senatorial or CEO or even coaching experience, here is an opportunity for you:  as the CEO of Lululemon, Inc.  However, they do specify some unusual qualifications.  As their ad put it:

"If you can hold a headstand for at least 10 minutes, communicate in Sanskrit and enjoy downing wheatgrass and tequila shots on Fridays for work-life balance, Lululemon has a job for you."

Now if Bill Clinton could manage those headstands and Sanskrit, he might have a job for an ex-President!  He might have handled the see-through yoga pants problem differently!

10 comments:

Duckbutt said...

I think that the OSU President should have checked to see if there was water in the pool before he dove!

Big Sky Heidi said...

The CEO could conduct board meetings while all do headstands. That would lead to quick, decisive decisions being made.

TexWisGirl said...

clinton just might have encouraged those see-thru yoga stylings... :)

Mike said...

I used to be able to do a headstand. Does that count?

Clarissa said...

The Sanskrit requirement is a real bitch. Can someone fudge it and claim to speak Spanish?

Brandi said...

I would presume the CEO would wear the see-through yoga pants. Turn the other cheek.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Itisn't easy to do a headstand. The tequila shots are fine.

You have to beconnected to be a CEO.

Sinner Bob said...

What in the hell do they need with Sanskrit?

Bilbo said...

Fluency in Sanskrit (or, alternatively, Old Church Slavonic) is mandatory for people who write IRS publications, the fine print of insurance policies and other contracts, and the impossibly tiny disclaimers at the bottom of the TV screen in all those lawyer ads.

Svejk said...

Standing on one's head is not a smart move.