Friday, May 18, 2012

Launching Ships and Buff Guys

Having indulged in that most guilty of pleasures, the movie "Troy", with Brad Pitt, I mused on the decline in relative value of women in these recent times.

After all, Helen had, as the legend had it, "the face that launched a thousand ships"; and her abduction by Paris led to the ruinous Trojan war where buff guys ran around in armor and fought each other with swords. What a story! She must have been quite a gal, though not one of emulatable morals. (Typical Hollywood material, maybe.)

But I can understand her point. Menelaus must have been a dull old stick, palling around with his drinking buddies while leaving Helen at home and never taking her dancing, much less shopping in the agora. You see, wives were supposed to have wifely virtues such as sewing, rather than womanly wiles. Take the Odyssey: After the Trojan War Odysseus got to cat around the whole Mediterranian with chicks like Circe and the Sirens while poor Penny had to stay at home and sew. Or weave. Uh . . . . I didn't take that course in school. Maybe that's it. These warrior types prefer women with skills other than putt-putt.

Still, it's natural to wonder how would I fare: how many many ships would be launched on my behalf; and would I really rate a war with buff guys fighting in cool costumes. I visited my old friend, the Mad Psychometrician Scientist, and brought him a bread-and-butter gift: Jack Daniel's. He told me he could help me. Withough going into the science and the math (which is above me for sure), he estimated that four pirogues and (looking me over again) a zodiac would be launched on my behalf. And four geeks would play paintball until 'Inspector Gadget' reruns came on T.V.

Actually, if the truth was to be known, back while I was in junior high school, two boys cut cards over me at a dance.  The loser danced with me.


8 comments:

Banana Oil said...

I'm sure you were more attractive than that!

Bilbo said...

Four pirogues and a zodiac? Although I've never seen a picture, I'm quite sure you would rate at least a fleet of trawlers. And you should know that Brad Pitt got that role in "Troy" because I turned it down...

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Angel, you are seriously hot. You should show your thermal self in the smallest bikini that is just legal.

But if you want to go further, I'm sure Southern policemen would wink at the rule violation!

Mike said...

How about a thong? Yeah that's it. A Stren fishing line thong. There would be no ships launched because the sailors would refuse to leave port. "Put some clothes on her. She's holding up the launch!"

Svejk said...

I'd dance with you.

Bilbo said...

Me, too!

Anonymous said...

Me too.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Thank you, guys!