Thursday, July 14, 2011

An Interview With Three Allegorical Figures

Location: In the Studio of the Midday Show

Kathy, the Hostess: "Good morning, Folks! We have as our guests this morning three allegorical figures who are protesting governmental policies regarding representations by allegorical figures. This promises to be an interesting segment of the Midday Show. So, let's welcome Clarissa, Bunny, and Euphemia this morning!

"Good morning, Clarissa, Euphemia (is it?) and (skeptically) Bunny? It's good to have you on the Midday Show. Now can you tell the audience, please, just what is the nature of your complaint?

Clarissa: "I'm glad you asked, Kathy. We're protesting against the blatant bias that American society has shown in favoring certain allegorical figures over others. This is in violation of the Fourteenth Amendment and a great disappointment to many unsung allegorical figures out there. You must admit that certain figures are often represented: Liberty, The Spirit of Justice, Peace, and even The Spirit of Truth. And it is true, they inspire many people, as formidable sculptures of women with undeniable assets portraying noble ideas should.

All we're asking for is for Congress and the various state legislatures to expand the scope of allegorical representation in statues, coins, and paintings.

Kathy: "And Clarissa, of what are you an allegorical figure?"

Clarissa: "I'm glad you asked, Kathy. I'm Clarissa, the allegorical figure of Free Downtown Parking." Clarissa is dressed in a business power suit, and wears running shoes while carrying her pumps.

Kathy (turning to the second figure who was bare-footed, dressed in a multi-colored muu-muu, and wearing a conical hat): "Okay, now let's turn to Euphemia. Euphemia, of what do you serve as the allegorical figure?"

Euphemia: "Ma'am, I represent Free-Spiritedness and Uninhibitedness. I symbolically preside over the Mobile Mardi Gras and stand for all of those possibilities not realized in a Bible Belt environment and which clamor for freedom."

Kathy (sniffing): "Yes, we have seen some footage of the misconduct that your followers enjoy. But, let me ask you this: If the government was to represent you in statuary, how would you wish to be depicted?"

Euphemia: "Well, maybe in some new threads, with really, really cool shoes and a bunch of balloons. Whatever."

Kathy: "Oh-kay . . . . Now Bunny, what do you represent? I really hesitate to ask as I'm not sure that I want to know." (Bunny is wearing worn Daisy Dukes, a tiny top, and platform shoes. She has a pin in her navel, and carries a tennis racket.

Bunny: "I am the Allegory of Enhanced Cleavage. I provide inspiration to many, especially young males. I serve as an unrecognized role model to many young women, and inspire memory in older men."

Kathy: "Excuse me for observing, but aren't you ladies, er, underreaching as allegorical figures?" (Skeptical look)

Clarissa: "Not at all. Allegorical figures are the products of their times. They reflect the higher aspirations of the civilizations from which they spring. And we are uncontestably the product of the post-modern media-saturated era of the Oughts."

Kathy: "So, in a nutshell, are you proposing that we replace "Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity" with "Free Downtown Parking, Free-Spiritedness, and Enhanced Cleavage"? (Sour expression)

Bunny: "Yes, Ma'am. That's about it." (Guileless smile)

Kathy: "Now let's turn to Al for the Weather. I need a martini during the break."


Grand Crapaud said...

This was really funny!

Nothing Sacred, as Usual said...

Liked it.

Svejk said...

Satirizes television talk shows very well.

Anonymous said...

Angelique, you manage to satirize the creasness of modern society and the media with your irony extremely effectively. Keep it up! It's better than fairy tales about Guardian Angels or Prophetesses.