Sunday, November 7, 2010

Lingerie Color and Politics

While eating my Rice Krispies, and being thoroughly annoyed by their snapping, crackling, and popping, I was watching television. Just a typical Monday morning activity. And actually paying attention to the ads while doing so. Bad moment in time.

One ad convinced me that the Politicization of Darned Near Everything has gone even further than I had suspected. An enterprising lingerie manufacturer is now advertising Politically Relevant Lingerie. Here's a report from a fashion expert on television:

"Are you fully committed to your principles? Let your lingerie speak for you! We feature our bra and panty sets in various colors and styles, depending on your specific philosophy or party affiliation. Now you can be totally unequivocal, even if you are the only one that knows about it. If you are truly liberal and oriented towards progress, then you should select our Knee-Jerk Liberal Blue intimate apparel. If you avow conservatism, then Hidebound Doctrinaire Conservative Red bras and panties are your logical choice for foundation garments. Persons who advocate environmental causes might opt for Tree-Hugger Green undies, although a nice jungle camouflage might do on those more informal occasions. Anarchists should, of course, adopt the Radical Black set as their choice. Neutral White is for the ininvolved, or for those who deem partisanism to be suspect. White allows them to as uncommited as they so desire, even on election day!

Of course, the baby blue, pink, and pastel green styles may be opted instead by those who are merely tenative in their commitments. Floral or bamboo would serve the eccentrically-oriented fashionistas. Mauve is for the nonconformists, since it has some aspects of redness and blueness, but not enough to please either political party.

You might wonder about the implications of the Traditional Tacky red with black filigree lace styles so favored by overly actively imaginative boyfriends and husbands. The rare anarchistic conservative might wear these with panache; however, these will be automatically approved for exchange into a more color-appropriate style for those inappropriately color matched. Also, these insensitive males should have their consciousness raised as to the hidden messages behind color choice.

Naturally, in the true spirit of multipartisanism, each of the possibilities of styling will be available in all of the colors. It is expected though, that high-riding blue thongs will be best sellers in honor of the whaling industry of New England.

It is anticipated that the selection of these fashions statements will peak every four years. Otherwise, the perennial best-selling NASCAR lingerie is expected to dominate interest at other times.


Anonymous said...

But what about when bras and panties fade with repeated washing? Does that signal weakened political fervor?

Deena said...

Women who wear crotchless panties -- how do they fit in with this scheme?

Funny idea, evil pop tart!

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Anonymous: A true liberal or conservative should not wear faded panties. That indicates a lack of orthodoxy.

Deena: Whatever the color, the wearer lacks moral fiber, I think.