I like dogs and cats; and any guy who doesn't is suspect, in my book.
There are real limits to self-suggestion; otherwise, we would look forward to weekends so we could clean our ovens.
In vino veritas applies only when there's so little veritas to go around.
Leadership does not come ex officio.
Graduation speeches, sermons, and bikinis should be brief.
Some gene pools are in dire need of chlorine.
A stupid idea endorsed by a committee is still a stupid idea.
Living life is like going on a blind date without makeup.
The only saving grace of stupid opinions is that the questioner usually does not recognize their stupidity.
Irony is good and cleansing in small doses, but corrosive in large ones.
Beware of men bearing accordions.
One of the dirty little secrets of adult life is how little thought, planning, and execution are given to important decisions made by governing bodies.
Being rushed into a decision is a recipe for making a bad one.
When you think that people can't get any dumber, someone will come along to surprise you.
Unfortunately, there's a tendency to regard many individual differences as psychiatric problems: being shy, feckless, or even a pain in the behind should not necessarily warrant psychiatric intervention.
Idealists can be as scary as fanatics.
There should be no requirement that a person have an opinion, much less an opinion on everything.
It is a real consolation that neither the Papacy nor the Presidency is conferred by heredity.
Very few people have the discipline to edit sufficiently what they have written.
Keeping one's mouth shut is usually an effective way of avoiding trouble.
I'd be more afraid of blockheads than mad scientists.
If you wish to improve critical thinking, require more science.
It's fatuous to think that you can judge people by appearance: in real life you can't distinguish a sex offender from a game show host.
When you consider that an editorial writer graduated from J-school and probably has a bad haircut, it's hard to take editorials seriously.
Most people are comfortable in their prejudices; and regard their vices as virtues.
If you read only dreck, then you will tend to write only dreck.
Getting an education is not like receiving a suppository while unconscious: you have to do a lot of hard work in the process.
Prayer may help; but I would also use fuses for electrical circuits.
To understand things is to take them lightly.
Call girls and academic consultants have many similar characteristics; except that call girls are generally better dressed and are more honest.
Religion, toilets, and cell phones should all be used quietly and privately.
To use the opinions of actors and actresses as guides to which politics to support is sort of the equivalent to using engineers as fashion arbitrers.
The education of a young person is incomplete unless he or she can make a perfect cup of coffee, a few classical mixed drinks, and to lie convincingly.
Unfortunately, people in charge of television programming often have IQ scores that remind me of bra sizes.
Committee meetings that last more than an hour and a half testify that the chair was unprepared for the meeting, or unable to control its course.
When all else fails, read the instruction manual.
If an idea still sounds good when you are sober, it's probably a good idea.
Smile at the Dean: he'll either think that you think he's cute or you're up to something. Either alternative is good.
Wearing a bra is a homage given to convention.
Learning a foreign language and a foreign culture is time well-spent.
Temperance should be practiced in moderation.
One possible type of male that should be emulated by more women is the strong, silent type.
Avoid helpful aunts who want to set you up with "a son of a friend of theirs'.
Getting up early in the morning is a necessity or a habit; it is not a virtue.
In your relationships with your pets remember that it's you that gets to give them the worm pills, not the other way around.
No one really looks good in a sombrero.
It's a bad election when you leave the voting booth with a sense of having done something shameful without the pleasure that comes from many actual shameful activities.
It's easier to understand life if one reflects that the world is run by men who wear ugly ties.
A lie is a lie; no matter how sincerely it is presented.
A crappy present is still a crappy present, even if it is put in a flamboyantly-wrapped package.
Idiots fail to distinguish between feeling righteous and being right.
If we ever have philosopher-kings nowadays, they more likely to have engineering than liberal arts degrees.
I haven't quite found out how does one apply for a position as a trophy wife.
I miss New Orleans.
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