Friday, March 31, 2017

Boudreaux and the Blonde

One day Boudreaux walked out to the dock, only to find a beautiful blonde woman, standing there, crying. 

He said, "Mais cher, what's wrong?" She said, "I don't have anything to live for. I'm gonna throw myself into the water and kill myself." 

Boudreaux said, "Oh, don' do dat. You're a beautiful woman and you have plenty to live for, Tell you what. I'm gettin' ready to get on dis boat and go to Europe. I'll sneak you on and will take care of you and we can be happy together." 

So, Boudreaux snuck his stowaway on board, and hid her in a lifeboat. For weeks, every day he would take her three square meals, making sure she was taken care of, and every night he would slip into the lifeboat with her and they would make mad passionate love. 

One day, the Captain discovered the woman, and asked her what she was doing there. She answered, "One of your crew members, a wonderful man, has been taking care of me, feeding me, and making love to me and he's taking me to Europe with him on this boat. 




The Captain replied, "Cher, I'm sorry to tell you, but this is the Algiers ferry." 


  

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Modern Reassessments of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs has been around for over 75 years and is still a basic tenet in motivational theory and humanistic psychology. While it can be critiqued in various ways, it is also helpful to remember that it has served as a springboard for conceiving of different hierarchies. So let us start off at Ground Zero for this kind of thinking.

At the apex of the pyramid are the self-actualization needs. The need to realize all of your potential. Some lucky souls get to be this way. The rest of us just plod along.

Immediately below actualization needs are the psychological needs for esteem and love and belongingness.

Ad in the lowest levels are the safety needs and the physiological needs. These cannot be downplayed!


The introduction of the internet has added a few more needs below that. Like WIFI and a functioning battery. Preferably a secure WIFI connection, if I might be choosy.


The internet itself has spawned a new set of demands and needs. These can be arranged in a hierarchy of needs




That important California area, Silicon Valley, has its own hierarchy of needs.


To consider a particular, shopping for a bra requires effort and concentration. It should be supportive, comfortable, and make a good appearance under your clothes. It should keep its contents stable and not jiggling much. Lastly, it should feel good on your skin. Is it too extreme to talk about Boob-actualization? Try wearing an ill-fitting bra for an hour or so before you answer. 


I guess it can be tough being a guy sometimes. They even have their own social hierarchy of needs to worry about:


Let's not forget other needs in any self-actualization that might be going on:


Friday, March 24, 2017

Music: "Candy"

Let us consider one from my preteen time: Mandy Moore's rendition of "Candy." Yes, she dressed so 1999; but this video came out in 1999. An admission: I dressed that way back then too. Yes, cargo pants and crop tops.

Party like it's 1999, baby!



Wednesday, March 22, 2017

The Evolution of a Beverage Ad

Dr. Pepper, which originated in Waco, Texas in 1880 or so, has undergone a number of advertisement changes in the past 130 years.

Here's an old one featuring a turn-of-the-century nude and some dubious vague health claims. At that time, ads such as these were the closest most people came to nudity.


In World War II, here's one that featured a Master Sergeant being unusually happy.

The lady in this ad looks improbably happy being a Pepper or the drink. Was some bourbon added to it? This is probably from the 1950's or 1960's; unless it's a retro ad:


Undoubtedly, this ad was not intended for use in the Bible Belt, even with a happy ending in which Dr. Pepper causes bipedalism:



A more recent ad that warns that it's not for women; but maybe for anime girls:



Anyway, mixing this beverage with alcohol works only with vodka. It gives a boost; but without the overstimulated side effect of an energy drink.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Music: "Classical Gas"

Here is an artist named Mason Williams performing "Classical Gas" on a guitar. It has a nice catchy beat to it and is a lot of fun when the horns come in. I love his outfit!

Unfortunately, there's not a lot of other recordings on You Tube by this artist.


Thursday, March 16, 2017

NCAA Tournament

What excuse do I have for dutifully filling out my brackets every year? It's not as if I follow basketball, or bet real money on games....It's done each year because it's a March Rite of Passage, like trying on last year's swimsuit and hoping whatever weight gain happened in the past few months isn't evident. Also, keeping warm because Spring doesn't seem to want to come!

This year, it's something that doesn't involve the dead hand of politics, which has gotten irredeemably nasty and upsetting and all-encompassing. That's another point. Finally, we go into the Area of Annoying Alliteration: Sweet Sixteen, Final Four, Elite Eight, and so forth. Some people like that.

Anyway, here's my Final Four: Gonzaga, Louisville, Villanova, and Kansas. I look for 'Nova to beat the Cardinals for All the Money.

Personally, I like the Zags Bulldogs. They have a cute, fierce mascot.





Tuesday, March 14, 2017

More Than Sympathy for the Devil

Each year colleges and universities, during their commencement exercises, award honorary degrees to varied luminaries of varying degree of notoriety or merit. And usually there's some citation or title to go with it. Hey, that gets luminaries as graduation speakers.

Let's consider a not-as-yet honored luminary: old Satan himself. Which institution will get around to cite the Old Boy? Shall said institution award him the Doctor of No Laws degree, or the Doctor of Inhumane Letters degree? Maybe a Doctor of Divinity degree would be too ironic.

Now while the U.S. Constitution bars the government from awarding titles of nobility or other trappings of old world royalty, they could take advantage of the Devil's weakness for titles by giving him a new-fangled title, like Coach of the Year or Old Poody Pants! After all, previous ones like Lord of the Flies and The Prince of Lies went over big and he is one vain dude, like he came out of Hollywood! How about Vlad the Inhaler or Sower of Alternative News? Mystical Deflater of Footballs or Dubious Dude of Discord could catch on too.

In short, play on his vanity. By making it sound flattering and official, he will bite.

Pro tip: This is exactly what two of the minor demons, Belial and Beelzebub, did to get themselves ahead in their own devilish way. After all, to the winners of this game of suck up go the most Devil's Food Cake or Deviled Eggs!

And it is not entirely out of sorts for newspapers or magazines to catch more Lords of the Flies by using honey than vinegar! A few well-placed articles might mollify any inclination to declare them 'Enemies of the People.' [I might point out in passing that this title is similar to and may have originated from a play by Henrik Ibsen with a similar title. Is this a plagiarism issue?]

After all, this business of suck up goes the other way, too. It was none other than Winston Churchill who flattered the press excessively by referring to them as 'The Fourth Estate!" The press, including possibly The New York Daily News and The Sun, has delighted in this term ever since. Flattery will get politicians anywhere with newspaper people.

And this might serve as an operational plan of sorts. Like ju-jitsu for dummies! Oh my.....is this a potential book title in my future?



Wednesday, March 8, 2017

"It Ain't Over Till the Fat Lady Sings"

An expression in sports that "It ain't over till the fat lady sings," has been variously ascribed to Mike Ditka, Yogi Berra, or other sports raconteurs like Paul Finebaum. Anyway, this is a well-accepted axiom that only when the final score is tallied will the outcome be assured. It's like the old adage, "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

What is referred to by this? Apparently, it's an operatic reference to the fourth part of  Der Ring des Neibelungen, called Götterdämmerung, which ends with a twenty minute aria by Brunnhilde. 

Brunnhilde is typically cast as a full-figured woman carrying a spear and shield, and wearing a DD- or larger-sized breastplate or sports bra and horned helmet. Because Der Ring des Neibelung seems to go on forever, it truly ain't over until the fat lady sings!

It's nice there is this unexpected link of sports with Germanic opera!



An air from another Wagnerian opera from the Ring cycle also made its appearance in an old war movie, Apocalypse Now:



Will horned helmets come back in style someday? This would be perfect for wear in Washington or Minneapolis. Or perhaps Spring Break attire for guys!

Friday, March 3, 2017

Missy Chauvin's Car Tips

Missy Chauvin once did a morning show in addition to being the co-anchor for Action News. This Morning Show was very diverse in topics, and included some tips on everyday problems.

One was a series on car tips. It included such timely advice on what to do with certain automotive problems. Here's a sample:

1) If you are having problems with turn signals, then take your car in for more turn signal fluid. Never let it get too low!

2) If your muffler gets noisy, then go to an auto supply store and purchase a large decal for the rear window.

3) If stopped by a traffic cop, then unbutton the top two buttons of your blouse. Or three, if he looks cute.

4) Fill up your car with Premium Gas once a month. It makes it feel special and loved.

5) If there is a deer or a cow on the road, flash your lights off and on. Don't try to avoid it, as you don't know where it will go. If a nutria, speed up and aim to the varmint!

6) Shift into neutral at traffic jams or long traffic lights.

7) Keep your tires properly inflated.

8) If you and your man are trying to make a baby, then he shouldn't use the car seat warmer. It raises scrotal temperature by as much as 4 degrees.

9) Don't text while driving. Even to your Mama or bookie.

10) Change your oil filter and air filter regularly.

11) Keep your gas tank more than half full during cold weather. Otherwise, it gets filled with moist air, which can condense to water, which settles down at the bottom of the tank, and can get in your fuel line. (We're in Louisiana, you know.)

12) If four cars reach a four-way stop at the same time, the car with the gun rack has the right-of-way.

13) Don't paint your toenails while driving.

14) Don't get a red car. They're more likely to be stopped for speeding or because the policeman thinks that you are hot.

15) Acting ditsy might get you out of a speeding ticket.

16) Telling the cop that you were speeding to go to all nine churches on Good Friday might get you out of a ticket. This works only on Good Friday in New Orleans or Jefferson Parish.

17) Change your auto deodorizer regularly. Or even better, use some nice potpourri.

18) Change your oil every 3000 miles or whatever the manufacturer recommends. Add more oil by removing the 7-10 cap.

19) Add power steering fluid, transmission fluid, and windshield fluid if low.

20) Lock your car while shopping. You don't want a wino to sleep it off in the back.

Because of these timely tips, there was more happy motoring in the New Orleans area.