Monday, May 4, 2015

What Is the Most Inappropriate Place for a First Date?

The all-important first date! It's a social situation that requires a certain amount of finesse in which both parties should behave well and hopefully the setting would be comfortable and allow for both to become better acquainted. It's an occasion for testing the waters of a possible relationship, and should include opportunities for conversation. Yes, talk is important, guys and gals! A few how-to-do-it articles have been written about where to take her (or him) that you plan to date. There are the old standbys: dinner, coffee, or a movie. Unfortunately (or fortunately), choice of those settings reveals little about the self. There is a philosophy of first dating that view an imaginative choice of setting is a winning approach; one that guarantees that there will be a second date, followed by a third. However, some people have not really learned basic rudiments of socially appropriate behavior, and fail dismally!

Recently, had a thread in which people could contribute possible inappropriate settings. Some of those seemed very funny to me; but be warned that there's the same snarkiness from internet lurkers that have way too much time on their hands. In a serious vein, I propose that a list of where not to set the first date is good supplementary advice for where not to take her/him!

Accordingly, the Love Goddess Angélique offers this basic list of not so good settings for a first date:

1. A Whoopie Cushion factory.
2. A strip show.
3. Shooting rats at the city dump.
4. A wet t-shirt contest in which the person invited is expected to participate.
5. The morgue.
6. A biker bar.
7. A wrestling match.
8. To get your dog's anal glands expressed.
9. To an adult toy store.
10. To visit your mother in prison.
11. For breakfast at McDonald's.
12. To your group therapy session.
13. A double date with Nancy Grace.
14. A political rally.
15. A used car lot.
16. Crimea.
17. Jersey Shore.
18. Night court.
19. A Nickleback concert.
20. A cheerleading competition.
21. A master's oral exam.
22. A sperm bank..
23. A bus depot to play pinball there.
24. To see a Mariah Carey impersonator show.
25. A guided tour of Orleans Parish Prison.
26. Hooters.
27. A dance club, with loud music.
28. To accompany you when you buy some weed.
29. Detention.
30. Your family's Thanksgiving dinner.
31. To hang out at your house or apartment.
32. A cockfight.
33. To listen to Rush Limbaugh.
34. A wedding chapel in Vegas, even if Elvis performs the ceremony.

Okay, I gave a few bad ideas. Can you offer a few additional lousy ideas for a first date? Let your inhibitions run wild, as Rod Stewart sang in the song "Tonight's the Night (Gonna Be Alright).

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Running the Derby

Today is the 141st running of the Kentucky Derby, styled the best two minutes in sports. Here is another riff on a theme I raised earlier. And one of America's greatest authors, William Faulkner, described literately the spectacle that is the Kentucky Derby.

Friday, May 1, 2015

Posing for Horndog Magazine

When someone is a bored and cash-needy female grad student some temptations are very hard to resist. No, not a liasion with a Dean, but that's a good try. No, in this case Horndog magazine was doing a photoshoot on "The Girls of the Lower South Conference," and Madison considered that she looked great in a bikini body and flaunted it once in a Miss Bikini Contest in a Gulf Coast dive once. She rather enjoyed the experience, and the reinforcement of winning Second Place. Oh well, coming in Place is better than coming in Show or being in the rest of the field in a filly claiming race. [I should mention that Madison was also a fan of horse racing, being a carrier of a Kentucky driver's license.]

So Madison sent in a head shot through e-mail, and was invited to a photoshoot. This was way, way back in February, and Madison was one of the few aspiring models from Middle Georgia University who had not put on a few wintry pounds when the selection process was taking place. You know Georgia girls like their hush puppies! As a matter of fact, they even tried to get her to pose topfree, but she settled for a swimsuit pose! She wasn't that daring.

Anyway, soon enough (but not for Madison) the September issue of Horndog magazine came out and the boys of the Lower South Conference purchased their copies in droves. And some of them said, "OMFG, is that one of the teaching assistants of the Biology Department?" In fact, a few scattered male professors also bought copies, except for those in English. They were not about to purchase a magazine with a shocking use of slang manifested in its title!

Anyway, the Chair of the Biology Department was surprised to find that Madison's laboratory sections closed out early in registration for reasons that he could not comprehend. Furthermore, 90% of her students were male! "Oh well," the Chairman thought. "She is a pretty young ingenue and would be likely to attract the boys. Maybe I should make her my T.A. My lecture sections have been underenrolled and I need the boost to do well on my merit factor assessment."

However, he could not understand why a few spontaneous requests for Madison to teach the laboratory sections for Human Anatomy. Sometimes university administrators are out of touch with reality, but sometimes undergraduates just have no sense! He also could not understand when three universities offered her an assistant professorship. She was expected to get only an instructor's position, maybe.

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Senators and NASCAR

This sign says it all. It doesn't need any clever, snarky, or smartass remark from me.

Monday, April 27, 2015

An Incident with the American Flag

It was an interesting story from a poky little college town in southern Georgia: some students at Valdosta State University decided to hold a protest by walking on the American flag. The nature of their protest was not defined; but somehow they adopted walking on the flag as a huge way of getting attention for whatever protest they were having. No leaflets, no cue cards, no signs, nothing. They were not the most articulate of protesters, methinks. 

Along comes a young woman, identified as a veteran, who snatched up the flag to rescue it from this sort of defilement. The campus police cometh; and try to take the flag away from the irate vet. She resisted, and they have to wrestle her down to the ground to de-flag her. Anyway, neither the protesters nor the campus cops file charges. Let bygones be bygones; but they cited her for criminal trespass, meaning don't come back to V.S.U. period! Kind of harsh.

The veteran in question was Michelle Manhart, formerly an Air Force training Staff Sergeant at Lackland AFB. Reading further in The Air Force Times, Staff Sergeant Manhart apparently left the Air Force back in 2006 because she had been demoted due to having posed for Playboy magazine! And that televised paragon of rectitude, Montel Williams, criticized her on television. Oh, don't have a cow, Montel!

I admit a lot of sympathy with her with this episode in Valdosta. The protesters were deliberately trying to set off a response of some kind. As for the campus cops, they could wear giant condoms for headgear!

The Valdosta story is not over. A large "Flags Over V.S.U." rally" attracted about 4,000 people to protest the actions of the protesters and the cops. The school canceled classes for a day. 

Friday, April 24, 2015

We Go Postal

The United States Postal Service does sell commemorative stamps that people buy to augment their stamp collections or as souvenirs, a goodly percentage of which are not actually used as postage. In effect, they are selling pretty (or less) miniature pictures! But, hey, it's all to the good, isn't it? It's win-win both for collectors and the USPS. Now last year in the Music Icons series Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix went into that Postal Valhalla. John Lennon and Jim Morrison might make it soon as well! And country legend Johnny Cash and soul singer Ray Charles are already enshrined on stamps! Soul legend Otis Redding unequivocally deserved a stamp, as "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" surely demonstrated!

Yes, we in America honor at least some of our artists. Now, it is my understanding that the USPS issues only 20 new stamps per year, and some of those must be given to patriotic themes, anniversaries, and various whims that are officially indulged. And let's not forget the centenary of America's involvement in The War to End All Wars© coming up in 1917!

You must admit, though, that this is a winning thread for boosting stamps and encouraging American culture through philately. (Yes, I know, John Lennon wasn't American; but he did get killed in NYC.) Now since a commemorative stamp cannot be issued for a living person, we have to wait for later times to send our Barry Manilow, Britney Spears, or Mariah Carey stamps. However, maybe the USPS could ignore its rule of 20 and issue supernumerary stamps to honor others that music fans might deem worthy. And, hey, if controversy does occur, then this could provide exercise of the indignant muscles of those who love to harp on things and generates oodles of publicity! Or if they wanted publicity without strident controversy, they could issue stamps for famous doo-wop or schmaltzy singers. Or, hey, Eydie Gorme or Dean Martin!

Seriously, I think that Fats Domino rates a stamp!

But let's expand the concept of Icons, and have Great Sex Icons: Surely Jean Harlow, Marilyn Monroe, and Jane Russell deserve stamps, not to mention some of the legendary strippers of the old days. Give some guys a shout too: maybe honor the epitome of manly cool in Robert Mitchum and Steve McQueen! And how about an American Scientists series, much expanded from the one in the 1940's? Or, maybe we could issue a Notorious Outlaws Series -- Who wouldn't like to see Jesse James, John Dillinger, or some of the junk bond traders on stamps? It may be a PG stamp category in the making, but Great American Manure Spreaders would be a great category to honor tabloids, some mainstream newspapers, and members of Congress!

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Dr. Tichenor's Antiseptic

Here is an old ad for Dr. Tichenor's Antiseptic, an antiseptic sold in the South Louisiana and Mississippi area, including the label. The Confederate theme came from the fact that it was first developed during the Civil War by a Confederate soldier. Nowadays, sadly, it has a rather plain label.

While it was specifically marketed as an antiseptic, some people drank it as an inexpensive drink or as a way to dodge prohibition laws in some dry counties in Mississippi. In Louisiana, it was regarded merely as a panacea of sorts.

The old radio ads featured a faux Cajun Pete singing jingles like,
"Since he gargled him with Tichenor's,
His voice you cannot drown.
Good ole Dr. Tichenor's,
Best antiseptic in town."  This product still has surprising ads: