Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Injecting Glamor in the Walk of Shame

The Walk of Shame is that quintessinal moment in every dorm-dwelling girl when she is reminded most forcefully about what a goldfish bowl living in a dormitory is.  For the uninitiated, this is the appearance around breakfast time of yourself wearing clothing more appropriate for partying or pub crawling in the evening than for class, often with make-up in dirarray and perhaps not all underwear accounted for in their proper places!  In  short, you are not looking like your best!  Dorm mates measure you for a scarlet "F" or "A," overlooking the dorm refrain of the previous night:
"A little coitus
 Would never hoit us."

Now there are several ways of dealing with this situation.  One is to be utterly brazen about it, a strategy that can serve well as the surprise of the unexpected is gone.  [Ho-hum, it's Friday night and Sarah got laid again.]  Another is to go on the straight and narrow, and return chastely at a reasonable hour and wake up the next morning and properly be neat and appropriately dress to start the day.  Either will work, but they represent a limited degree of imagination.

Still another possibility is to go clandestine.  Pack a gym bag when you go off, and have shorts, a tee, and running shoes.  Pretend that you've just returned from an early-morning jog.  It doesn't help if you're wearing make-up and earrings, though. It also pays to be fit and have a reputation for being an exercise fiend.

Finally, just go over the top.  Now this is really the American way!  Do it with such panache and flamboyance so as to redefine tastes.  Be driven back after an all-night tryst; but get driven back in a Corvette, Rolls, or even a limo!  Actually, you get triple points if you affect the emo or Elegant Gothic Lolita style, and are driven back in a hearse!

As a result of these innovative ways of dealing with it, the Walk of Shame has definitely lost its sting!  As a matter of fact, some West Coast entrepreners have come out with a Walk of Shame souvenir t-shirt, the image of it to be seen below: 


The Bastard King of England said...

"A little coitus
Would never hoit us"

That may make my day.

Bilbo said...

Well, the Walk of Shame beats the Pukingly Hung-Over Crawl of Shame.

Anonymous said...

There's nothing similar for guys?

Sinner Bob said...

Just do it, and smile. They'll envy you.

Grenouille Fille said...

I have that problem also living at home with Mama and the neighbors.

Mike said...

With the University of Missouri talking about coed dorm rooms, the walk of shame may no longer be necessary.

Banana Oil said...

The walk of shamw is less obvious when you're wearing a heavy coat or parka.

Anemone said...

The walk of shame is more subjecrtive. You think people notice more than they do. Any most are sympathetic nowadays.

Sex is something that people are comfortable with, as long as people dont talk about it.