Sunday, June 10, 2012

Zeke the Moonshiner

Old Zeke was a moonshiner.  It so happened that one night he was very enthusiastic in testing his product, and he stumbled off into the woods.  After wandering aimlessly, he stumled on a grass arbor prayer meeting where folks in Buncombe County get spells of religion.  He sat in the back, listened to the testimony and the singing, started tapping his feet, and started to get the spirit!

Now it so happened that his wife, Samantha, got concerned lest Zeke wander his fool self off in the woods again, so she sent her two preteen sons to find him.  The boys found their father just as the spirit (or the spirits) began to move him, and he got the fits and began to bark like a dawg!  Just then, the assembly burst out in a song to welcome the repentant Zeke into the ways of the LORD!

THe boys mis-heard the hymn, and concluded that their Dad was a-dying, so they went back home and told Samantha thusly:  "Mama, Daddy Zeke's dying!"

"Boys, how do you know?"  Samantha starting worrying that he mixed a bad batch of 'shine.

"Mama, he's at the church brush arbor meeting, and everyone there was a-saying "The Old Shit's a-Dying" 

Samantha said, "THat can't be true; yore Paw's gonna skin your wuthless hides when he gits home."

So Samantha went to the brush arbor meeting, there she found Zeke sitting and shaking hands with a bunch of people.  Samantha asked him how he was, saying that the boys said that he was dying and that all the people were saying that the old shit's a-dying.

Zeke said, "no, Sam; I just got myself a touch of religion.  And no one nohow called me a shit.  I'm going to give those boys one heck of a spanking when I get home."

Just then someone else got a spell of the Old Time Religion, and the choir launched into "That Old Ship of Zion."

Sam and Zeke looked at each other, and Sam said, "You know, I reckon the boys might have heard that,"

Zeke said, "I think you're right.  The boys didn't hear much church music around the house of a bootlegger."  And the boys didn't get a beating, but just Moon Pies.


Post #300.  I didn't think I'd get this far.



Bilbo said...

Congratulations on post #300! I'll be waiting for #400, and having a few drinks in Zeke's honor in the meantime.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

A great play on that old-time hymn. And congrats on #300!

Banana Oil said...

Nice tail!

Duckbutt said...

Great going in reaching that landmark!

Big Sky Heidi said...

I loved that story!!! Sounds like pure rural Tennessee.

There are some parts of the Volunteer State that are so far in the boondocks that even the Episcopalians handle snakes.

Mike said...

If you're looking to settle in on a theme, what Bilbo said about Numeric Life and us missing her is true. Look at her site. You would be our Number One.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Thank you, all! I'll drink some of Old zeke's stuff, myself.

Hell Hound said...

I hope you continue to post, evil pop tart. Especially tales like this.

You're really cute, you know.