University Roommate Rubs Her the Wrong Way

I read this bit of advice from Prudie, the Washington Post advice columnist featured in a recent installment of Slate:

"Q. Lights Out Happy Time: I am a freshman at college. My roommate is pretty great—except for one thing. I'm pretty sure she "takes care of herself" after we turn out the lights and she thinks I'm asleep. The motions and noises she makes are consistent with this theory. I have no problem with her doing that, but it makes me uncomfortable that she does it while I'm in the room. I'm also absolutely mortified about possibly discussing this with her. They did not cover this in freshman orientation, so I'm counting on you for some insight."

Prudie's suggestion was that it fell in the same category as bathroom noises -- you pretend that you don't hear them.  That's good advice; though it was not one of those things covered at Freshman Orientation; or maybe it was when I nodded off after the sixth hour.

The fact is, many college students live comparatively sheltered lives and may not have had to share a room previously.  Not my case; I had an older sister.  And we both had our favorite stuffed animals.  But, because of that, they're not disposed to be tolerant of others' quirks, needs, or wishes.  Lots of dorm arguments go on over the volume and content of music played.  And things like this too.

Anyway, probably most college students adapt quite well to this living with someone else aspect.  Or they move to a single apartment off-campus, if affordable.  If your roommate has a need to comfort herself in that manner, it's best to pretend that you're asleep or otherwise occupied.  And, for the most part, this is part of the orientation into adulthood when applied to other areas.  It's not a bad model to deal with several things in which you find out things you were not intended to do so, as long as no one is getting hurt.

A little story.  I'm not a heavy sleeper; and during my freshman year in the dorm, I woke about around two A.M. to certain noises going on in the room.  My roommate had her boyfriend in, and they were actually doing it!  They were not practicing to be missionaries; too much information.

Anyway, I kept silent.  I do not know whether my roommate or her b.f. knew I was aware of what was going on, but maybe we need a word in our language to cover the mutual pretending that someone does not know what is going on, even if she does?

I asked the Lucky Dog Guy: seller of hot dogs and independent philosopher.  He said that the Russians have a word like that: vranyo.

Vranyo - This is the phenomenon of semi-lie or semi-truth with a twist of fantasy, white lies and suppression of unpleasant parts of the truth.  In effect, It goes something like this: “She knows that she is pretending that nothing went on, I know that she is pretending that nothing went on, and she knows that I know that something went on, but we both smile and act as if nothing did.”

Does that make sense?  Anyway, I changed roommates at the end of the term.