Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Mother of All Swaps

In a secret agreement between the French and U.S. governments, the two countries decided to swap Corsica and Arkansas. A joint communiqué stated that the meeting started conventionally enough, but took a different twist after the sixth case of Budweiser when the leaders decided to swap Arkansas for Corsica.

A spokesman for the French government declared that "for over two hundred years international diplomacy was supposed to be conducted by 'raison.' But raison goes only so far; and we mutually determined that the best way to solve problems was to become nihilistically intoxicated and swap off each others' problems. This strategy really reflects the realities of politics, anyway." The U.S. spokesperson said that "we all got pretty hammered, but I think it all came out okay. Think of this as the Mother of All Swap Sessions."

Preliminary response to this surprise move was overwhelmingly favorable: The present US government received a 89% approval rating on the action, and favorable comments even came from Republican leaders. An unidentified one said that even he would vote for reelection for the President! "Hey," he said, "we're picking up a neat little island named after a type of Chevrolet in the deal, while dumping Arkansas on them. I only wish they invited me to the party too." In the meantime cabinet members are searching maps to find out where Corsica is located. Preliminary reaction from Little Rock was positive when word circulated that it was permissible for women to go topless on French beaches. When appraised of that fact, a former governor quickly announced plans to return home to Little Rock.  Arkansas natives looked for their beaches on maps.  Only FoxNews sounded a dissenting voice by commenting on how conveniently Mike Huckabee's Presidential ambitions were permanently thwarted.

Nicolas Sarkozy's ratings rose to a phenomenally high 81%; and the cabinet pressed for ratification of the treaty before the Americans become wise as to what they are getting into. Mme. Duchamp of the French delegation said that the FLNC separatist movement is screwed totally, considering the USA's history in dealing with their potential breakaway groups: a possible reference to the American Civil War. She also promised that within the week they would toast this diplomatic success with fine Arkansas wines while watching costumed Arkansas peasants doing their regional folk dances.

Corsican reaction was, on the whole, favorable. One resident of Ajaccio talked of Corsica being represented in La Grande Danse in five years as a highly-seeded team; maybe even in the Final Four! Others talked of the delights of chili dogs and Bud Lite. But the advantage most often cited by the Corsicans was that they would not have to hear that awful accordion music any longer!

Presently, there is no move to Gallicize the place names of communities such as Little Rock or Hot Springs until the Arkansas natives speak impeccable French. This was not viewed as a problem, since the Corsicans never did, either. The matter of the hauteur gap in waiters is serious, though. Community colleges will provide crash courses in elementary rudeness to wait staff for them to upgrade their skills.

Neither government regards the great distances or French Arkansas's status of being surrounded by the USA to be of concern. "Think of the duty-free shops!", an unidentified delegate said.





6 comments:

Duckbutt said...

A loopy laugh; but strangely a good idea. Pols should drink more and politic less.

Bilbo said...

Corsica? We should have held out for Quebec.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

That would have been great; but France lost the option on it in 1763, like they did earlier on Acadie. The Quebecois get along so famously with the other Canadians, so I have been told!

Big Sky Heidi said...

President Obama's Beer Summit was successful, I might add. The found the language people could reate to.

Anemone said...

St. Martin would be nice.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

A good swap by us. I suppose we couldn't have gotten St. Tropez also.