Monday, August 16, 2010

Ronin Cheerleaders

Cheerleading as an art and a science has undergone many changes in recent times: no longer is it done primarily by loud-voiced sweater-wearing girls at football or basketball games.  It's become more gymnastic, dance-oriented.  And the costumes have become more revealing, much to the delight of most males.. 

Now five girls from all-girl Catholic schools, wishing to get in on the fun, decided to become Ronin Cheerleaders: to be hired out for various purposes, cheering loudly and dancing and jumping with abandon for whatever cause came their way.  They got two other girls who were also not on any squad and worked out a lot of surprising routines.  Soon commissions came their way.

For example, they provided cheering services for the Novena (nine day prayer service) at St. Leroy's.  "Give me a P! Give me a R! Give me an A! Give me a Y! . . . ."  Strangely, it worked, especially when they wore the two-piece outfits and topped it off with a pyramid.  Clarissa followed it with encouraging words: "D*** you, PRAY!"  The novena attenders did, and the priest was pleased.

The next day they cheered the opening of a doughnut store. "Come on, Boys!  Let's make the scene!  Come on, Boys!  Have a Krispy Kreme!  Do-nuts!  Do-nuts!  Do-nuts!"

Meetings of employees became occasions for our ronin girls to cheer the staff to greater and greater feats of marketing.  "Sell! Sell! Sell!  Or the market's gonna go to ****"  (Our Girls, being well-behaved Catholic girls, didn't actually use the profanity.)

And what is more appropriate for cheerleading accompaniment than a lingerie fashion show?  "Bustier, panty, demibra, thong;  With Vicky's Secret you can't go wrong."

Somehow the Arkansas State legislature found the means to hire them to open the session (after the proper invocation by the preacher du jour. The legislators were entranced, if not bemused, by bikini-wearing ladies doing flips to "Candy."

Sakura did have a few reservations about doing a dog fight; but Shinobu came up with a snappy cheer for the occasion.  "Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Were's gonna kick that mutt!  In the butt! Butt! Butt!"  The customers were fully satisfied.

And to reassure a corporation undergoing a morale crisis:  "Hoddy toddy, God Almighty, Who the heck are we?  Bim Bam! We're Microsoft and you know it, by damn!"


2 comments:

Single Dad Laughing said...

Hahaha, love it! I need an opening "thing" for a work event coming up. You have their info?

Single Dad Laughing

eViL pOp TaRt said...

The Ronin cheerleader girls can perform in a variety of costumes. No extra charge for wearing bra inserts. Special cheers will be developed to fit the occasion.

Unavailable during Mardi Gras week.