Fountain of the Future

The Polish town of Nowa Huta,  near Krakow, recently erected a replacement of Vladimir Ilych Lenin to replace the older, standard Marxist monument to honor the old Communist boss.  This one has Lenin proudly engaging in an approved Socialist activity: urination.

http://time.com/2867197/polish-city-erects-statue-of-peeing-lenin/

I assume that this is an example of post-Warsaw Pact lésé majesté.  The bilious dork green color furthers this impression.  However, it makes a campy statement, to say the least.

However, I understand that some Polish feminists are arguing that the statue of Lenin peeing while standing be replaced by one in which he is seated on the toilet.  And one assumes that he would not raise the seat afterwards. 

Gina and Anna

Gina and Anna were identical twins from St. Croix.  Because they shared 100% of genes in common with each other, and didn't acquire any phenotypic differences, their parents made an effort to dress them differently, and avoided the use of rhyming names unlike what many parents of identical twins tend to do.  This was to avoid the tendency for the twins to be fused in identity as 'the twins.'  Besides, practically, they wanted ease in being able to tell their girls apart.

However, by the time Gina and Anna became teens, they found some advantages in being hard to distinguish.  In ninth grade, they swapped each other's class schedule; with the result being that the grades recorded for Gina were earned by Anna, and vice-versa.  Why?  Well, Gina was fond of a particular General Science teacher, while Anna was unmoved.  And Anna wanted to sit next to a particular boy, but he was enrolled in Gina's History class!

And, to the girls' amazement, when they swapped clothes, their parents could not tell them apart!

Speaking of boys, when they were allowed to date, they occasionally swapped off; each going out with the other one's boyfriend on occasion.  And they had a great time comparing notes afterwards! 

In a nutshell, Gina and Anna showed a response to their identical twinness developmentally opposite to what normally occurs.  Most identicals accept their twin status as children; but balk at being seen as a set when they become teens or older.  Sometimes they liked being indistinguishable.  When they worked at part-time jobs, and their schedules allowed, they occasionally substituted for each other.  This paid off if one wasn't feeling good, or stayed out late, or the like.

But the best thing that Gina and Anna experienced as a result of their identical twinship was the degree of sympatico that they mutually shared due both to heredity and to the highly similar experiences they shared!  Neither was ever completely alone in outlook; and instinctively understood how the other felt.  It's why identical twins remain so closely connected throughout their lives.

And sometimes it leads to humorous farces.  When it came time for prom season, Anna was asked by two boys; and Gina automatically got a prom date also.  This was the Prom of the Two Annas.  It was only when the two couples got together toward the end of the evening that the truth came out.

Neither guy was particularly unhappy.  Perhaps it was because they both had been relieved to be able to score a prom date.  And  the mild scoring afterwards wasn't bad, either!

Bubbette Wrapping

Some of the more rambunctious residents in Beat 5*, Pearl River County, Mississippi were having an outdoor barbecue and beer blast, despite the fact that such doings were illegal in a dry county.  Oh well, the Sheriff's Deputies knew better than to borrow trouble by disrupting this great meeting of the minds.  Truth to tell, three of them were in attendance as partiers.

Yes, quite a few of the good old boys and good old girls had a few too many, and were feeling no pain.  Now these impromptu gatherings were firearm-free and conducted with an easy casualness.  I might add, they were racially mixed, as it is 2014 and there was recognition that all were barbecue and beer lovers at heart.  Besides, politicians could use the occasion to schmooze potential voters.  The only potentially dividing issue: red sauce versus vinegar-based sauce.

Anyway, a few got passed-out drunk and sprawled on the picnic table tops.  This necessitated the inconvenience of eating around the sprawlers, but Mississippians can be resourceful when it comes to beer and barbecue..

Now there is a rural prank played when that happens: It's called Bubba Wrapping.**  What people do is to use duct tape to wrap the sleeping person to the table top, often leaving him until he was released by the deputies, or a stray minister, or some kinfolk sent out to look for him!  

One of the partiers out for the count was Cordie May Wilson.  Now she was a hefty lass, she had an orchard of pecan trees and made pecan candy.  She liked to strip as she increasingly became intoxicated, planning to be a part-time stripper when the next county fair came around.  As a matter of fact, she was down only to be very basics, not overencumbered with clothing.

So, Jim-Bob Varnado said, instead of having a bubba wrapping, why not have a bubbette wrapping?  When he explained the concept three or four times, the others were game.  After all, Cordie May would be the first one so wrapped and would go down in history as the first bubette wrapped.

But they had a problem: Cordie May had done some stripping; and her friends did not want the duct tape stuck to her bare skin; and anyway, they didn't want to see Cordie May wind up in the County Jail in Poplarville for indecent exposure.  That would be antithetical to old-fashioned Beat 5 backwoods loyalty!  So they sort of dressed her, then duct taped her to the table top so that she was fit to be released when sober.  And no one took pictures with their cell phones, either!

So that was how bubbette wrapping came about.  The Magnolia State acquired a new custom, thanks to the good ole boys and girls of Beat 5, Pearl River County.

*A beat is a county subdivision used in Mississippi.
**Done only in the boondocks.

Oronogo, Missouri

From where do communities obtain their names?  Consider the case of Oronogo, Missouri:

According to Wikipedia:  "The name, according to local tradition, came about when it was found that the previous name, "Minersville" was already taken. At a public meeting to change the name, after considering many possibilities, a man in the back blurted out "its ore or no go", referring to the mining operations. Elaborating on that, Colonel J. M. Young, suggested substituting the Spanish word "Oro" for ore, and the dropping the "or" to make the word euphonius. He pronounced it "Oronogo" and the audience accepted the name."

However, Vance Randolph, in his folklore book Pissing in the Snow, gives an alternative version.  According to local sources, a prostitute practiced her chosen profession there, but always required payment in gold ore.  She would say, "It's ore or no go."  And the town assumed that name.

You take your pick.

Bad Taste in Yard Decor

Sometimes I understand the impulse towards HOAs and prior approval by landlords prior to changes in apartments or yards.  Here are some original ideas for planters that some people have thought up, and which others might find cringeworthy:

An old toilet as a planter

How about a pink bra as a planter for your petunias?

Using an old tire takes recycling to the next level!

Cleaning Out the School Backpacks

One of my sisters-in-law has two school-aged children, and a certain selective procrastination.  Maybe this is learned avoidance behavior.

At the end of each school year, her kids come home and joyfully cast in the corner of their rooms their no longer needed backpacks.  They remain in place until she finally can no longer stand the squalidness of the preadolescents' bedrooms due not so much to the clutter, but the aroma!

Anyway, she decided to be a paragon of housecleaning while I was visiting, and tackle the backpacks.  To her horror, in her son's she found a half-eaten hamburger still in its wrapper, an elastic cloth device referred to as a jock strap, an old copy of Maxim, some papers with what looked to be beverage stains, and numerous objects not readily identifiable.  There was three books, those 'required reading' literary works for English.  Even with the questionable contents removed, the backpack still reeked too much for it to continue being in the house.

I cleaned out the other one.  Her daughter's at least smelled better; but it smelled due to leakage from a bottle of cheap perfume of a brand favored by a popular singer.   This was chemical warfare, grade school style.

  Apparently my darling niece circumvented parental injunctions against scents by having a bottle of contraband at school.  Oh well, there was likely to be a painful scene later on.

She decided that both backpacks were beyond rehabilitating, and trashed them both!

The See-Through Bikini

One day in the summer  Heather went to the beach with her friends wearing her brand new bright yellow tan-through bikini, which was the latest fashion.  She wanted to get a tan line-free tan underneath, even though hardly anyone would know about it. 

She was swimming, then sunbathing when the hottest guy she had ever seen approached.  He was absolutely gorgeous!

Heather went up to him and stared talking to him.  The whole time, he kept glancing at her chest and started laughing.  Poor Heather did not understand why so she figured he was some sort of jerk.

Some other guys came and lingered and looked, and Heather figured, "At last I got it right!"

Afterwards, Heather went to talk to her friend Denise and, disconcertingly, she started laughing too!  When Heather asked her why, she just said, "Come to the changing room and I'll show you."

She brought Heather into the changing room in front of a mirror and said "look!"

Heather looked into the mirror and realized that her tan-through bikini was also COMPLETELY SEE THROUGH when wet.  She didn't expect this, and was sooo mortified!

However, a few years later, she met a guy in a bookstore, and he looked at her, started to laugh, and said, "Hey, aren't you the girl I talked to at the beach two years ago who was wearing a see-through bathing suit?"

Following that brief, awkward moment, things improved.  Her friend Karen saw the two of them talking, and she asked Heather who he was.

"A guy I met a little while ago."

"You two seemed to hit it off right away.  What were the two of you talking about?"

Heather answered, "Everything....But he asked me if I have any tan lines."

It turned out happily.  The guy asked Heather out, and they continued to hang out together.  Heather mused in her leisure about how sometimes an embarrassing situation worked out, anyway.  

A guy who is truly attracted to a girl does not have to unbutton her shirt to have a better view of her heart.  Sometimes it just happens.