What to Worry About Next?

What to worry about next?

It would seem that the coronavirus, the usual stupidity in Washington, and the hijinks occurring in Baton Rouge (and several state capitals near you!), there would be enough on the fearmongers' plates. Well, you could toss in the two major political parties to serve as sources of amusement and network television. 

But no: there's more!

It seems that Orleanians Hilda Walspurgis and Anna Pacquin are stormily indignant over another peril to threaten the peace of proper New Orleans* citizens.

It seems that we now have to worry about 5G!

Okay. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!

It seems that 5G is the latest development in cellular microwave transmissions. Clearly the next level over 4G, and light years better than 3G.

(Our state of finances could always use a few G's in the ole bank account.)

Anyway, this 5G allegedly causes cancer, autism, even possibly hemorrhoids. Well, I'm exaggerating; but only a little.

Some people always have to have something to fear. I suppose the boogerman looks under the bed each night to see if Chuck Norris is there!, 

Anyway, they went around St. Cletus's Parish neighborhood with a petition to stop 5G. 
Their technique to obtain names was two-pronged, using both the carrot and the stick approach. Anna wore some serious décollété (the carrot, maybe?), and Hilda served up the stick with her doomsday threats.

But, mostly, they got a lot of signatures against 5G so that people would get off their backs. Damned nuisance petition-mongers!

*Pronunciation note: Most natives call it 'New Orlins' in most of the city. Pretentious Uptowners and lousy songwriters say 'New Or-leenz.' Only idiots and sarcastic Yankees call it 'Nawlins.' For true! Darlin, it gets further complicated. New Orlins is in 'Orleenz Parish. So much for consistency being the hobgoblin for small minds.