How To Dress Like a Skank

There's a dreaded description that women should avoid: being called a 'skank'! But just exactly do you avoid this dreaded description? I've done an internet search, so you won't need to; and here are some gentle hints, gentle reader, in case you might have been cast in that particular role in a Little Theatre production. You can style it convincingly if you keep in mind these things:

1.  You wear no normal blouses; all of your tops are crop tops.
2.  People tend to raise their eyebrows before telling you that your style is "daring."
3.  You have to borrow clothes from your sister or girl friend when you have a job interview.
4.  Your first date dress is long and conservative but somehow sheer.
5.  You wear fishnets to job interviews.

6.  None of your clothes are really daytime appropriate.
7.  The only difference between your lingerie and your Halloween costume is ears.
8.  You never wear flats; you always wear f-m shoes, (Or, for the polite, "I desire coitus shoes.')
9.  You put your clean clothes in the dryer so they shrink a little before you wear them.
10.  You sport Australian cleavage on campus or when clubbing.

11.  People always ask you if you're "cold."
12.  You feel like you're out of place in the grocery store or at the bank.
13.  When you dress in office clothes, you somehow come across like you are wearing fetish wear.
14.  Your clothes emphasize your tramp stamp.
15.  Wives shield their husbands from you.

16.  You insist on wearing that black bra only when you are wearing a thin fabric white t-shirt.
17.  No one mistakes you for a Young Republican.
18.  Clients grin at your boss and give him a thumbs up when they see you at work.
19.  The only difference between your winter and summer wardrobes is that you additionally wear tights in the winter.
20.  If you're a Southern girl, and you wouldn't wear it to a SEC football game, maybe you should question its appropriateness.

21.  What you wear is inappropriate for church or office wear in most settings.
22.  Your navel is displayed 24/7.
23.  Your skirt is so short that you have to make sitting into a major production.
24.  You view panties as inconvenient.
25.  You flaunt a whale tail.

26.  If you dare, if it's warm enough, and local laws allow, you can wear body paint or glitter instead of a top.
27.  You sport décolleté that makes it risky to bend over.
28.  Despite this, find an excuse to show that you can touch your toes or do downward facing dog.
29.  Wear a t-shirt with a provocative message, as "I wish these were brains."  
30.  Your navel piercing has dangling jewelry.

31.  You can use a scarf loosely tied around your breasts for a top.
32.  You consider brushing your hair to be optional.
33.  Likewise, shaving your legs is surely optional.  

These tenets are often tried by a certain class of turista in New Orleans. Here's some more advice on this.