To Scent or Not to Scent

I must admit to being a complete novice when it comes to perfumes and other scents; partly due to the gaudy bottles and the often provocative brand names.

Yes, there is even a perfume called Provocative!  But some perfume names are nebulous.  Take My Sin.  Now this long-available scent implies some moral failing on the part of the wearer; but without being specific.  Is the sin in question dressing like a skank, claiming a questionable deduction on one's taxes, or merely telling a white lie?  The nonspecific name implies some sexual failing; but it's entirely left to the purchaser's imagination as to what that happens to be.  Maybe claiming an orgasm that didn't occur.

This perfume seems, on the face of it, to be a sure male-pleaser.  It's called Bacon; and it replicates the odor of bacon.  And who does not like bacon?  This might even be okay for the perfume Nazis who pop up in work places or schools with their movements to forbid the use of scents.

Now this one also holds promise, at least with foodies.  Why not smell like Stilton cheese?  There does not seem to be an analogous scent for the cheddar crowd.  Too bad!

Jammie Nicholas, in what surely be the ultimate in coming up with sources of scents for perfumes, Nicholas has developed one using extract from his own poop!  Would this be the ultimate eau de toilette?  Anyway, he produced 85 bottles that were to be sold at $80 each, and actually sold 25 of them.  This perfume might serve to promptly clear out powder rooms, provided the wearer could get sensory adapted to her own scent.

Actually, several years ago country singer Sammy Kershaw had a brand of cologne that was based on Sammy's sweat!  Now while underarm scents are an active source of pheromones, I don't know if I would like to respond to the smell of a country singer!

As an aside, apparently Napoléon wrote to Josephine, "Don't wash, I am coming home."  Perhaps this was one of the sources of the calumny regarding the French and bathing.

Of course, for more somber occasions, you can mimic the smell of a funeral home:

For the perfume extremist, there's even a Hello Kitty perfume, presumably intended for small girls but might even serve for a young woman in her 20's.  After all, the male wearers of Axe or other scents probably do not have sophisticated palettes when it comes to feminine scents.