Get Certified!

Michelle Fitzgerald had a reputation for being a little loose.  No, it was a little more than that: she reckoned that she had slept with at least 30 guys of varying quality.  No keepers at all.   That's what comes from having joined a sorority and leading la loca vida, Southern university-style.

However, she wised up, started studying in earnest, and was able to graduate from the university and then attend the School of Law.  She became more career-minded and became an Associate in a law firm.  Since she contemplated a career in politics, she first joined the Democratic Party but was unsuccessful in her office-seeking.

Now Michelle did have an unerrant eye on the main prize: first a seat in the State House, then after a decent period of service moving up to the State Senate, and someday moving up to at least the U.S. House of Representatives if not beyond.

The idea of Michelle Fitzgerald being a M.C. someday had a lot of appeal to her.

But, unfortunately, she had first joined the wrong party.  So she did what any good politician with negotiable principles would do: she changed parties.

However, her new Republican friends did wonder about her sincerity in her newly discovered faith.  Clearly, Republicans were no more easily misled than Democrats.  What she needed was proof of what she claimed to be, despite the rumors of her wild sorority days and her previous espousal of Democratic politics!

Finally, it came to Michelle when she pressed the Easy Button: "I'll get certified.  Then, whenever someone in her newly adopted party openly speculated on how trustworthy she might be, that she might be a RINO, and should not be the Party's nominee, she was able to show her certificate of virginity, which could be interpreted as ideological virginity.

A friend of hers, who also strategically went from Republican to Democrat while seeking office in another district, also got one of these certificates and played hers.  There's a lot of these retread virgins in politics, depending on how the political winds may blow!  Or, borrowing from the days of the Civil War, could they be called galvinized political virgins?

Later on, when she married another Associate in the law firm, she was able to show him her bonafide certificate, for some other reasons!

Everybody knows how you can tell when a lawyer is lying: when her lips are moving!