Thursday, September 26, 2013

Funny Names for Horses

You can name your horse anything you please; but if you want to race him as a thoroughbred, you must register the name with the Jockey Club, which sets certain limits of horse names:

1)  They can have no more than 18 characters.
2)  They must not be obscene.
3)  They must not be a living person's name, unless that person has given signed permission.
4)  They cannot advertise a product.
5)  They cannot end in 2nd, 3rd, etc.
6)  They cannot use abbreviations, and so forth.

Still, there's a wide range of horsy onomastics to consider.  Here are a few real horse names that managed to slip by or get approved by the Jockey Club:

EighteenCharacters

Bad Cop No Donut

Dadsalittleunusual

Beer Goggles

Butter Face

Stump Hole

Pants on Fire

Swale*

Going Commando

Girls Got Skill

Papa's Got Gin

Reality Sets In

It's All Lies

Fusaichi Pegasus*

Chateuagay*

Indy Undies

Ross Is a Hoss

Hadtoomuch

Resume Innocense

Barely Legal

Four Bucks N a Doe

No Speed No Feed

Going Commando

OK Topless

You've Been Served

Oneofthebirdboys

We Both Walk

What a Bad Day

Unzippher

Pensive*

Will Run for Gin

My Office Wife

Luv Guv

Walk of Shame

Bodacious Tatas

Turducken

War Admiral*

Nosupeforyou

Cathouse Saint

Breeze the Weasel

The Wages of Sin

Junk in the Trunk

*Kentucky Derby Winner

There's a sense of wonderment that I have about these names: the cost of purchasing, training, and maintaining a thoroughbred horse is $$$; yet some owners come up with these terribly funny or even déclassé names.  It would seem to me that a committee of horse-minded tween girls could come up with better names. 

I can imagine some horseplayer going up to the pari-mutuel window and saying "Give me $20 on Walk of Shame."  Or, even better, the track announcer reporting, "And at the finish, it's Bodacious Tatas by a nipple!"

12 comments:

  1. Giving a horse one of those names labels the owner as a moron.

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  2. The name 'Walk of Shame' suggests that the horse will be a slow one. Stupid name, unless the horse is intended for the glue factory.

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  3. I wonder if any horse was named Place or Show?

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  4. I'll take $20 on Junk in the Trunk.

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  5. Very cool list of names, I didn't know there were specific rules.

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  6. Every year, the Washington Post "Style Invitational" column runs a contest in which they invite readers to take any two horses entered in the Triple Crown races (regardless of sex), mate them, and name the foal, using the Jockey Club guidelines you listed. It's hysterically funny every year. Here's the link to one example: http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2013-05-02/lifestyle/38974362_1_foal-horses-contest

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  7. nosupefor you was my favorite too. Whose Bodacious Ta Tas were honored in that horse's name?

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  8. I wonder what the owner's wife or daughter felt about calling the horse Bodacious Ta Tas.

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  9. Bilbo, that site rocked with subtle horsy humor.

    Nosupeforyou I liked too. Bodacious's owners must have an odd sense of humor.

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  10. I always feel bad for the horses because of those awful names.

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