It's almost the season of Awful, Abusive American Alliteration. Alas, six to eight weeks after the ground hog has either seen his shadow or not, that bald-headed guy with logorrhea comes out to induce the feckless Louisianans to another occasion for gambling, as if they needed any more!
For several weeks offfices have had their various basketball pools; and even those who might not be able to distinguish a backetball from a soccer ball are induced to feed the kitty and make their picks. One office was particularly nonexclusive in inducing people to bet; and their players included the Lucky Dog guy, the UPS guy, the Prophetess, the "I know where you got your shoes, Mister" con artist, the St. Anne in a Towel Lady and even the Blatantly Gay Guy from the Mailroom (BGGM). Outsiders helped make the pot larger, you see.
It started off first with March Madness, then the Sweet Sixteen. That has something to do with sixteen teams eliminating each other until there's a Final Four, which included Duke, Kentucky, Yukon, and some other team whose name is hidden with WMDs or that extra stocking I can't find. Anyway, it's a simple wager: the one that picks the most winners gets the pot!
The algorithm for picking winners varied from person to person. Some based those on won-loss records; some on the strength of the respective conferences. Some, with no sense of adventure at all, went with the Las Vegas oddsmakers. The receptionist (a blonde) chose her teams on their uniform colors. At least two thought it had something to do with ballroom dancing because of Mr. Vitale referring to it as The Big Dance. The Prophetess accessed her Moral Rectitude Information Base, and selected teams which seemed to be holier: Notre Dame. The Lucky Dog guy picked LSU all the way, even though they weren't in the tournament. Our BGGM admired the cut of the team uniforms, and selected those who fit better in their baggy pants. The Political Correct Fanatic selected teams with inoffensive names.
Anyway, to the guys' chagrin, there are now three people who are in the running for the pot: The Blatantly Gay Guy from the Mailroom, the Prophetess, and the receptionist. Anyway, if Yukon wins, then the BGGM gets the kitty. If North Carolina wins, then it gets split between the Prophetess and the other blonde. It is not known whether any of the three possible winners would actually watch the game tonight.
For several weeks offfices have had their various basketball pools; and even those who might not be able to distinguish a backetball from a soccer ball are induced to feed the kitty and make their picks. One office was particularly nonexclusive in inducing people to bet; and their players included the Lucky Dog guy, the UPS guy, the Prophetess, the "I know where you got your shoes, Mister" con artist, the St. Anne in a Towel Lady and even the Blatantly Gay Guy from the Mailroom (BGGM). Outsiders helped make the pot larger, you see.
It started off first with March Madness, then the Sweet Sixteen. That has something to do with sixteen teams eliminating each other until there's a Final Four, which included Duke, Kentucky, Yukon, and some other team whose name is hidden with WMDs or that extra stocking I can't find. Anyway, it's a simple wager: the one that picks the most winners gets the pot!
The algorithm for picking winners varied from person to person. Some based those on won-loss records; some on the strength of the respective conferences. Some, with no sense of adventure at all, went with the Las Vegas oddsmakers. The receptionist (a blonde) chose her teams on their uniform colors. At least two thought it had something to do with ballroom dancing because of Mr. Vitale referring to it as The Big Dance. The Prophetess accessed her Moral Rectitude Information Base, and selected teams which seemed to be holier: Notre Dame. The Lucky Dog guy picked LSU all the way, even though they weren't in the tournament. Our BGGM admired the cut of the team uniforms, and selected those who fit better in their baggy pants. The Political Correct Fanatic selected teams with inoffensive names.
Anyway, to the guys' chagrin, there are now three people who are in the running for the pot: The Blatantly Gay Guy from the Mailroom, the Prophetess, and the receptionist. Anyway, if Yukon wins, then the BGGM gets the kitty. If North Carolina wins, then it gets split between the Prophetess and the other blonde. It is not known whether any of the three possible winners would actually watch the game tonight.
So Angel, who do you see for the Final Four?
ReplyDeleteWhen I think of the final four I'm thinking, "I'm almost out of cookies!"
ReplyDeleteWasn't there a Sherlock Holmes story titled "The Sign of the Final Four" or something like that, about people murdering each other over a basketball pool? I tried to give a darn about the whole thing, but my bottle of giveadarn is completely empty. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteBasketball is something that takes place after Christmas, for some reaaon. Maybe it is to bet on. The Final Four? Isn't that when DWTS gets serious?
ReplyDeleteKentucky is going to win it. The other final four are NC, Marquette, and Syracuse.
ReplyDeleteKentucky will get it, darn it!
ReplyDeleteToo much time and money is wasted on this overproduced tournament
ReplyDelete